Sideswipe

This Hanoi lingerie shop's name carries a different meaning for a pair of post-election Kiwi travellers.

A reader offers a handy hint to folks flying Air NZ with excess baggage. "The whole family checked in at Auckland for a flight to Rarotonga only to be told we were 13kg over the limit. The problem turned out to be the baby stroller. The agent wasn't budging and we were looking at an extra $130. Then we had the bright idea of taking off the wheels and, hey presto, we saved $30. We put the wheels in our carry on luggage, which the check-in guy actually thought a good idea. God defend Air New Zealand."

* * *

From eavesdropping website Overheard In The Office:

Clerk 1: Have you noticed that there aren't any ceiling sprinklers in this building?

Clerk 2: Y'know, you're right. But there are smoke detectors.

Clerk 1: They'll help put out the flames when we're trapped in our cubicles.

Supervisor: Well ... maybe the sprinklers are above the false ceiling.

Clerk 1: Oh, so when there is a fire the sprinklers will soak the ceiling tiles which will cause them to fall to the ground and smother the flames?

* * *

Judy Hindman of Birkenhead has a warning: "Today I came home to find a card on my door which said 'Sorry we missed you - please call regarding a package we have on hold for you.' Thinking of course that it was a package from a courier company, and maybe I had won something, I rang the number on the card. I was asked my name and address, then offered a free dinner set if they could make a time for someone to come around and demonstrate their new vacuum cleaner."

* * *

Graeme Cummins, general manager of Mangere Cemetery Trust Board, is stoked their typo (scared instead of sacred) made the paper and writes: "Famous at last! It's almost like being on the cover of Rolling Stone. The branding gurus came up with the idea of 'A Sacred Place' several years ago and it looked brilliant; it fitted all the marketing needs. Boy were we going to be the envy of everyone with this subtle marketing coup. But the dreaded typesetting and proof-reading failure torpedoed the whole thing below the waterline. But gee, considering the cost of advertising, maybe a marketing coup after all!"

* * *

Rosalind Miller of Warkworth bought a magnetic door catch, and wonders if anyone can translate the installation instructions. They read:

"INSTALL THE ELUCIDATION

1.Take down the basement if the cup shape half part, and nail it to the suitable place if the door. Then put the spring back in the shell, and screw it up.

2.Tacke down the basement of the standing part, and then fill in the expanding screw or the three common screws and another part on the wall should be coupled up during your installation."