Sideswipe

Beauty therapists in Vietnam are not afraid of doing the icky jobs.

Samantha Bonar of the LA Times - writing about a new book titled Are Men Necessary, says she's learned that she needs only 10 monosyllabic words to effectively communicate with men.

You
Big
Strong
Yes
Chips
Game
Beer
Man
Want
Great

For example: "Big strong man want beer?" "You want chips?" "You great!"

And conversely, avoid using words like ...

Me
I
Why
What
Can
Will
No
Never
Stop
Yuck

As in: "Why do you insist on my wearing these sheer red stockings?" "Can I have one of your beers?" "Will you let me know if you are married?"

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An animal rescuer who abandoned 35 kittens in two parks has been sentenced to a night in the woods without food or shelter. Painesville Municipal Court Judge Michael A. Cicconetti, known for handing out unusual punishments, sentenced Michelle M. Murray to spend the cold night alone when she begins her 15-day jail sentence. "How would you like to be dumped off at a Metropark late at night, spend the night listening to the coyotes coming upon you, listening to the raccoons around you and sit out there in the cold not knowing when you are going to be rescued?" the judge asked. "That's what you're going to do." Murray said she was experiencing family problems when she dumped the kittens. After reporting to jail, a park ranger will drop her off at a remote location. Judge Cicconetti previously sentenced a man who called an officer a pig to stand on a city footpath for two hours in a pen next to a 160kg pig with a sign reading: "This is not a police officer."

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A Mt Albert reader writes: "Your hilarious items on overheard comments in Friday's Sideswipe reminded me of an incident involving my late aunt, Joan Skynner of Takapuna, a devout Catholic. She was on a bus one day and heard a young woman in the seat in front say to her companion: 'Would you believe it, now they're even trying to bring religion into Christmas'."

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Useful phrases for visitors to Paris ...

Ou est la gare? - Where is the station?

Qu'est-ce qui se passe? - What is happening?

Ou sont les pompiers? - Where are the firemen?

Avez-vous un extincteur? - Do you have a fire extinguisher?

A quelle heure est le couvre-feu? - What time is the curfew?

Pourquoi brulez-vous ma voiture? - Why are you burning my car?

Avez-vous du feu pour allumer mon cocktail molotov? - Do you have a light for my petrol bomb?