Sideswipe

Touche: Not ugly, just Ugg. (Source: No 1 Shoe Warehouse ad in the Herald)

Mike Parr is disappointed that the powers that be missed an opportunity to gather huge revenue with the road rules changes by failing to cover issues specific to Auckland. Here are his suggestions:

1) Driving a late-model European vehicle with more than 20 safety features but not using any of the basics, such as an indicator in rush-hour traffic - 10 demerit points.

2) Living near Western Springs and complaining about noise pollution from the speedway and then be found to be driving an imported, 5-litre, smoky diesel, 4WD vehicle with a big exhaust pipe - 20 demerit points.

3) Driving a car with GM-free and Keep NZ Beautiful stickers while it is just visible through the cloud of exhaust smoke because it hasn't been serviced for the past 10 years - 15 demerit points.

5) Having a boy racer car with a lowered seat then blocking the limited vision with three large gauges and dials on the dashboard - 10 demerit points.

6) Sitting at a set of lights reading the paper/doing your hair and not noticing when the lights go green, waiting till someone beeps their horn, then not letting anyone else go through as you panic to put the car into gear and then running a red light yourself - 25 demerit points.

7) Complaining to your friends about how bad the traffic is while you drive an unregistered, unwarranted piece of crap which shouldn't be on the road adding to the problem - 50 demerit points.

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N. Nagarajan of Flat Bush writes: "If Gary Robertson of Helensville is so impressed with the 20-minute 'ice-water and blast freezer' treatment meted out to two teenagers caught shoplifting in a supermarket in Papua New Guinea, I am sure he will be even more impressed to hear this story. An American working in Saudi Arabia and his wife were finding that small change around the house was regularly disappearing. Suspecting their house boy, they casually mentioned it to their friend, the local police chief. Next day, the police came and took the boy away. They thought maybe the boy would learn his lesson. But, to their horror, he returned with his right hand clinically amputated below the elbow and the wound cauterised."