Sideswipe

Boozing Kiwis are welcome to join the Santarchy pub crawl.

Christmas isn't all about joy, love and understanding. It's not even just about presents. For some it's about boozing and hi-jinks. For the fifth year running a couple of likely lads, Alex Dyer and Colin Mitchell, have rustled up as many alcoholics-in-waiting as possible for what appears to be a pub crawl called Santarchy. The catch? All participants must wear Santa suits ($15 from The Warehouse). What started out five years ago with 10 swilling Santas last year netted 80. For those who have no responsibilities and nothing better to do, turn up on Saturday at 2pm at Western Park, Ponsonby Rd. No Santa suit, no Santarchy

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If I was inclined to give our subwoofing neighbours a Christmas present, this would be it: Revenge CD and Earplugs. Tracks include: 1 Drill. 2 Party (at least 200 people). 3 Orgasm (outstanding). 4 Train. 5 Drum (played by a child). 6 Inhuman Screams. 7 Walking (high heels). 8 Domestic Squabble. 9 Doors Banging. 10 Bowling. 11 Unhappy Dog.12 Practising Scales (violin). 13 Traffic Jam. 14 Rubbish Truck. 15 Newborn. 16 Phone Ringing. 17 Ball Game. 18 Pigeons. 19 Spring Cleaning. 20 Cock-a-Doodle-Doo! (Source: wishing fish.com)

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A reader writes: "Grandma has Alzheimers and I thought this was one to beat all others in your 'doh' awards of the past few days. Last year Grandma inherited a sum of money from an old friend who had died in Britain. The family explained that Dave had died and left her this money. 'How lovely of him,' she said. 'I must ring and thank him'."

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This week the graduating class from Whenuapai School were looking forward to the arrival of their guest speaker, Breakers centre Ben Pepper. But sadly, he was a no-show. A miffed parent quipped, "Looks like the Breakers can't find a hoop or a school."

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Graeme Martin writes: "Yesterday my wife and daughter caught the Fullers ferry at Devonport. When buying the tickets my wife asked for an adult and student fare and when my daughter produced her current student ID card my wife was advised that the fare didn't apply in this case and that a full adult fare was payable. Our daughter is a student at Otago University, which obviously doesn't count. Another option, perhaps, is that the ticket clerk didn't realise Otago is part of New Zealand."