Sideswipe

LOOKALIKES: Our Helen and the cover of Todd Rundgren album Singles.

This ad for a flatmate was posted online and received many genuine replies:

* I have a cat, so if you are allergic, please don't inquire. He is a very nice cat named General Tso.

* I keep the floors extremely clean, so clean that you can eat off of them, which is actually what I do. I have a thing about plates and utensils. I eat two well-cooked fried eggs off a small tile in the middle of the living room with chopsticks every evening at 7.15. You cannot touch my chopsticks.

* My mother stops by twice a week and yells at me for an hour or so and sobs about her only son being gay. I'm actually not gay, I just don't date a lot. She doesn't get this. She is harmless, though, but may pinch your cheeks when she sees you.

* I sometimes come home reeking of fish. Please don't ask me about this.

* I hum a lot, sometimes for hours. It's not usually loud, but if I am in the living room brushing General Tso and I'm humming, it may get to you and you would have to go into your room.

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The lucky general public can now buy a love letter written by a celebrity. Shortland Street actor Paulo Rotondo got into the swing of things writing ... "Your love is like spaghetti with napoletana sauce; delicious, tasty and saucy and at times quite messy and a little spicy". But former All Black captain Fitzy settles for ... "Go the All Blacks." Bids for the children's charity Variety fundraiser open today on trademe.co.nz. (The fundraiser is part of an exhibition of love letters covering a building in Downtown Auckland for AK05).

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Darn tooting: Splayed across the cover of this week's Central Property Press, a property being marketed by Bartoot & Thompsom.

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A fan website for the conservative Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger, who is in the running for Pope, is pulling out all the stops to get their man into the top job, including selling merchandise - sweatshirts, a Papist Trucker Hat and, most interestingly, the Ratzinger Fan Club Beer Stein.

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The Maryland legislature is considering a bill that would allow students to wear sunscreen when they go out on sunny days. Why would lawmakers need to even consider such legislation? Well, four counties, including Montgomery County, allow students to use sunscreen only if they bring a doctor's note. Eleven counties, including Howard County, require a parent's signature, and eight, also including Howard, insist students must store their sunscreen with the school's health officer. The legislature is also considering a bill that would require schools to permit students to keep their own asthma medicines. (Source: Reason.com)

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Could Nita, the woman wanting to rent a 3brm house in Ellerslie, please email Sideswipe again. Your details have been lost and a number of potential landlords wish to make contact.