Sideswipe

J Lo tops the list of stars targeted by the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (Peta) on their annual Worst Dressed list. PETA says, "The lives of the animals she wears are like her relationships: short and painful." Miaow.

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Blissful ignorance 1: This week while shopping in Woolworths I was approached by a young Asian woman demonstrating wine. Before tasting it I asked if that particular vineyard was on Waiheke Island. "Oh no," she replied, "it is a New Zealand wine !"

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Blissful ignorance 2: Reader Stephen Harrop from New Plymouth went to the local Whitcoulls to see if he could buy the latest edition of English satirical magazine Punch. He asked and the young girl went off to check and came back after a few minutes to announce that they had World Boxing, Boxing International and also some wrestling publications, but nothing called Punch.

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Blissful ignorance 3: Connie Carter of Howick writes: "One month after my husband died a cheque in his name for $25 arrived. I took it to my bank (ANZ) to deposit it in my account. The teller said that my husband would have to sign the back. I explained to her that my husband had deceased and her reply was, 'Well that doesn't matter, he will still have to sign the back'. Fortunately my daughter-in-law was with me and kindly explained to the teller meaning of the word 'deceased'."

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Blissful ignorance 4: Preparing for a Toastmasters speech on euthanasia, Brian sought material from a young bookshop assistant at the usual unnamed bookstore. The assistant, perplexed at her inability to find anything on the database, suggested Brian might more successfully browse the travel section.

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When is a pleb not a pleb? In a conspicuous moment of attempted faux self-deprecation Sunday Star-Times food diva Geraldine Johns explained in this week's review that she and her dining companion are mere "plebiscites" and therefore the dining experience at Cibo was rather special. Oops.

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Seems boozing and Santa suits don't mix. This from police following Sideswipe's snippet last week about the annual Santarchy pub crawl.

Date: Saturday, December 18, 2004.

Time: 6.45pm.

Where: Victoria St Carpark, Auckland City.

Occurrence: Police were called by an off-duty officer who witnessed a large group of people dressed in Santa Claus suits, heavily intoxicated, fighting in the carpark. Two Santas - a woman and a man - have been charged.