Sideswipe

A cat piano and a Speights billboard at a Grey Lynn/Ponsonby intersection.

The offensive issue: One person's funny  is another's outrage. 

Warning: Likely to offend people with cats, PETA and the SPCA. In the 17th century, a musician trying to cheer up an Italian prince created this cat piano. (above) The musician selected cats whose natural voices were at different pitches and arranged them in cages side by side, so that when a key on the piano was depressed, a mechanism drove a sharp spike into the appropriate cat's tail. The result was a melody of meows that became more vigorous as the cats became more desperate. (Source: cynical-c.com)

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Warning: Likely to offend the gay community (the explanation of the billboard should offend anyone with a brain). Putting this billboard (above) up at a Grey Lynn/Ponsonby intersection echoes the old expression, "Backs to the wall - faggots on the crawl" says GayNZ.com. A Speights spokesman explains: "This is in reference to a southern man's tips for keeping your eyes peeled and being aware when you come to a big city. A country man's first visit to the city can be an intimidating thing and this billboard just jokes about them keeping their eyes open for any trouble. It's a survival technique - the southern man would rather have a wall behind him, so that any potential trouble comes from the front." Yeah right.

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Warning: Likely to offend journalists. Newmarket Business Association spinner Cameron Brewer generously supplied the Herald with unsolicited pap quotes to insert into our coverage of Bill Clinton's visit, just in case the former President buys some socks in Newmarket. Brewer penned the following for our "exclusive" use.

1. "America has a special place in Newmarket's heart and unlike Winston Peters we would love the opportunity to show Bill Clinton our appreciation for his country's role in the Pacific," said Cameron Brewer, head of the Newmarket Business Association.

2. "We would love to get the stars and stripes back out on Broadway. Newmarket is the spiritual ground for any visiting American."