Sideswipe

Sideswipe gift recommendation #3: Kiss Celebriducks. Bath-time can now be shared with your four favourite glam-rock rubber ducks. (From www.kissmuseum.com)

The Commonwealth Bank of Australia apologised on Monday for a "grooming handbook" that suggested staff wear flesh-coloured underwear and advised against shiny stockings because they make legs look fatter. The grooming guide also recommended that earrings should be no bigger than a small coin and that women should wear no more than two rings on each hand. "The guidelines are just that - guidelines," said bank executive Hugh Harley, backpeddling madly. "I apologise to any staff who may have been offended or who do not feel comfortable discussing such matters."

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Auckland City Council responds to the towing of the Christmas tree delivery truck by pointing out that the offending truck was parked on a bus stop. And "not even Santa and his sleigh should be doing that!" ... Whodoya have to be to get off a parking ticket in this town? John Banks?

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Did you hear the one about the guy who sat in line outside Real Groovy from 3am Sunday morning for two U2 tickets for himself and his girlfriend, only to end up having to flog them on TradeMe days later because said girlfriend dumped him for spending all their savings on the tickets. "U2 was our band and she's ruined it for good," he writes on the auction description.

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Online gossip-spreader Defamer (www.defamer.com) reports that Elijah Wood, "the much-respected expert on wildly successful film franchises adapted from beloved fantasy literature", was overheard after the cast and crew screening of The Chronicles of Narnia saying: "The little girl carried the film. British teeth and all."

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At a symposium on the Cultural and Historical Aspects of Foods at Oregon State University, a presentation titled "What is the Flavour of Human Flesh?" reveals the most succulent body part is the palm. And according to a member of the Dani tribe in Irian Jaya who reminisced about the taste of human flesh in an article in the Baltimore Sun in May 1992, "Old ones are tough". As you'd expect.