Sideswipe

Female women only? Surely a case of discrimination.

The NewCynics Dictionary, as seen by Rick Bayan at The Cynic's Sanctuary,

i-cynic.com:

* Alternative Lifestyle: A living arrangement considered exotic and slightly offensive by the prevailing culture; eg, a churchgoing nuclear family headed by a married couple, one (and only one) of whom is a woman.

* Director's Cut: The laborious restoration of a film to its former ego boundaries; the only cut that adds length to the original.

* Edgy: Sufficiently abrasive and obnoxious to captivate an urban audience.

* Flirting: Wiggling one's toe in the pool while fantasising about a swim into the deep end. In the contemporary workplace, likely grounds for a sexual harassment lawsuit.

* Freedom: 1. In the US, the sacred right to speak and act according to one's conscience, except when dealing with sensitive special-interest groups or militant Republican Administrations. 2. What the US frequently exports to developing nations, by force if necessary.

* Interactive: Describing a computer program so technologically advanced that it provides almost the same satisfaction as a simple dialogue between two actual humans.

* Opportunist: Someone skilled at exploiting people and events for personal gain, a behavioural aberration generally punished with fame and riches.

* Wireless: The current technological preoccupation of those who spent the past decade getting wired.

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Grant Amos of Mt Eden did not want his Saturday-night television ruined by some live music and a bunch of do-gooding teenagers raising money for the 40-Hour Famine. He writes: "As the first resident to complain about the noise from the church group on Saturday night, I would like to make the following points:

* We advised the Youth Pastor who organised the event that the noise was too loud during the sound check on Saturday afternoon.

* When the band started to play in the evening we were unable to hear our television in the lounge.

* An excessive noise notice was issued (at the discretion of the council, not based on the opinion of the neighbours), and the band chose to continue playing.

* Several other neighbours also complained, leading to the council confiscating the sound equipment as per noise control procedure.

* Had the organiser exercised better judgment initially, or complied upon receiving the excessive noise notice, they would not have lost their equipment or incurred the $500 fine.

* We were finally able to hear our television on a Saturday night, in our flat."

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Robin McGrath of Takapuna is also unsympathetic to any charitable deeds louder than a low hum. "The report about the church being fined $500 and equipment taken for allowing loud music at night did not elicit any sympathy from me. It serves them right and the fine should have been much higher. All the group had to do to avoid trouble after all was to TURN THE BLOODY VOLUME DOWN to a reasonable level! They obviously chose not to, so can hardly complain about the penalty. There is far too much loud music disturbing neighbourhoods these days and those who transgress deserve all they get!"