Sideswipe

Picture / nappycakesbyshelli.com

Entrepreneurial weirdness: "Add a touch of elegance to your baby shower with this very popular diaper cake. Our diaper cakes feature Pampers Swaddlers, secured with ribbon and the bloom of your choice, finished off with a co-ordinating keepsake topper. There is no better way to present a mother-to-be with the most practical gift she would receive. Every new mom needs diapers and every hostess needs a beautiful centrepiece." (Source: nappycakesbyshelli.com)

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Realistic punchlines to old jokes from website somethingawful.com:

* What do you get when you cross a chicken with a centipede?

A media circus about the debate over the morals and ethics of genetic engineering.

* A duck walks into a bar...

Animal control is promptly called, the duck is then taken to a nearby park and released.

* How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

I imagine it would take a great many. Mice would find it difficult to reach a ceiling light fitting, and would individually lack the strength or dexterity required to turn a bulb in such a socket. Even if you had enough mice to lend their strength to such an endeavour, the chances of them having the intelligence and wherewithal to perform such a complex activity is really quite low.

* How do you know when a Frenchman has been near your house?

You don't, really, unless you were there to see him or if one of your neighbours saw him. I wouldn't worry about it, really.

( You get the idea ... )

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A reader writes: "In regards to the lyrics by Macy Gray, the philosopher Friederich Nietzsche once wrote: 'Of all that is written I love only what a man has written with his blood'. Macy Gray is not commenting on the breakdown of personal safety or ambition, but a woman caught between love and abuse. See also Tori Amos' Me and a Gun and Tracey Chapman's Behind the Wall. Thank you for pointing out to us that in popular music an artist can still write in her own blood."

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Water does not fall from the sky: So says Far North District Mayor Yvonne Sharp justifying the Council's water restrictions policy.

(Source: Chamber Chat, a weekly column in the Kaikohe community paper Northern News)

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Even more do-gooding (Please note: Sideswipe's do-gooding series is not the place to settle vendettas or promote greedy capitalist ventures): Jim Leary is trying to recapture his youth by finding the same type of car which was his very first car. It's a 1973/76 model Mitsubishi Lancer (Coke-bottle shape), preferably well maintained and in the Auckland or upper North Island area. The only catch is that it has to be white. I'd pay a fair and reasonable price." Contact Sideswipe for Jim's contact details.