Sideswipe

* The best and worst of Sideswipe 2002-2004

The terms "weapons of mass destruction", "homeland security", "undisclosed, secret location", "material breach" and "make no mistake about it" have been banished by one American university for misuse, overuse and general uselessness. Every year since 1976, Lake Superior State University staff have sifted through public contributions to compile a hit-list of worn-out words and phrases. The 23 winners on the list for last year also include "must-see TV", "now, more than ever" and "untimely death" - "has anyone yet died a timely death?" the contributor asked.

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Deryck Taylor of Whangaparaoa makes a plea from the heart: "Could all radio and TV announcers please declare an embargo on that grossly overburdened word of praise and wonder - fantastic. It's not as if it's the really appropriate word in most contexts in which it is used. My dictionary defines 'fantastic' as 'fanciful, wild, irregular, capricious, grotesque or absurd'. Surely not the word they seek when 'splendid, superb, magnificent, brilliant' and a host of other expressions of delight will fit the bill. And, please, don't let them replace it with 'fabulous'. That belongs to Joanna Lumley - and she should keep it."


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A reader wanted to know where to get the $10 Team NZ flags. Sideswipe suggested cutting a square out of an old black T-shirt, glueing it to a stick and sending the $10 to a charity. The following day ... SIDESWIPE'S first death threat. A reader from Pt Chevalier makes BlackHeart look like pussycats: "With regard to the inane and flippant advice tendered to readers in your column yesterday concerning the alternative to the TNZ Loyal flags. Drop Dead Fred! Team New Zealand need as much support and backing as they can possibly get to defend the America's Cup. Your snide and sniping comments masquerading as journalism all but serve to undermine the support due them." Still reeling from the highly threatening language and use of UPPER CASE, Sideswipe responds: Richard. Support Team NZ with all the nationalistic fervour you can muster, but don't expect everyone to buy into it hook, line and spinnaker. Some people have a passing interest in yachting, others gag at being force-fed the meaning of loyalty by an ad campaign, and others are just sad that a great Kiwi song has been ruined.

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So Don Brash is suggesting that instead of the dole, local authorities become employers, "offering a job to anyone who turns up at, say, the local Post Office at 8am with payment for that day's work". Hasn't anyone told him all the Post Offices were closed in the 80s by his economic doppelganger?