Sideswipe

Bloke's T-shirt. (Source: abercrombie.com)

John Riley, of Edgecumbe, writes: "I had occasion recently to require a residency permit and was advised that one could be obtained from Immigration Department. I should point out that I have been resident since arriving here in short pants in 1951. Immigration's auto phone directed me to press 1 for passports and residency. This led me directly to Internal Affairs, whose auto phone directed me to call Immigration for passport and residency inquiries, supplying the number I had originally dialled. The only way I could get out of this loop was to press another option indicating that I required an interpreter. My suggestion to Internal Affairs is that if it really wants to stick one up Immigration, it should organise a direct transfer back so that lots of callers could simultaneously have games of phone tennis. Alternatively, Immigration take an intelligent approach and just FIX IT."

* * *

John Tamihere is sounding more and more like Donna Awatere Huata (and look where she ended up). In another ill-thought-out interview with Australia's FHM - a lad mag full of naked girls - Tamihere bumbles an explanation on whether there would be as many phallic-shaped monuments if women ruled the world. Maybe John was trying to say what Ben Elton said so, so much better in his novel Blast from the Past.

"Things get shaped straight and thin for reasons of aerodynamics. Missiles and skyscrapers are shaped the way they are on the soundest principles of engineering, not as monuments to the dick."

* * *

Another reason to persecute the overweight. A man was surrounded by police and arrested while walking by the Department of Health in Westminster last week. The gun-toting coppers were suspicious of his bulky appearance under a big jacket. He was taken to a police station to be searched. It was found that he was wearing no explosives. He was just fat. (Source: popbitch.com)

* * *

Strange job titles ...

Back Washer - operates machine for washing sliver (a continuous textile strand).

Carroter - conditions fur for use in felt hat manufacture.

Debubbliser - operates equipment which removes bubbles from plastics.

Dolly Pusher - moves camera equipment around scene of TV recording / broadcast.

Lingo Cleaner - cleans metal heddles used in Jacquard loom harnesses.

Mother Repairer - improves metal phonograph record matrices.

Oyster Floater -spreads shellfish in container to keep fresh / remove impurities.

Poultry Offal Icer - shovels ice into chicken waste parts to avoid spoiling.

Smoke Jumper - parachutes into endangered areas to combat forest fires.

Tubber - tends tumbling machines which clean items to be used as jewellery.

Winteriser - operates chilling machine for removing stearin from vegetable oils.

(Source: vitaminq.blogspot.com)