Sideswipe

Message to the Prime Minister

Opinion

The only way to get women's sport on the front page. In pursuit of Anna Kournikova's path to sporting riches, Italian golfer Sophie Sandolo's "sexy" calendar intended to represent her "love for golf, my desire for freedom and a touch of coquetry. I'm instinctively attracted by fashion, elegance and glamour. I've tried to bring my small contribution and hopefully open new doors which could bring more notoriety to the sport I play and I love so much."

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Something for the geek squad:

Klingon Fairytales.

1. Goldilocks Dies With Honour at the Hands of the Three Bears.

2. Snow White and the Six Dwarfs She Killed with Her Bare Hands and the Seventh Dwarf She Let Get Away as a Warning to Others.

3. There Was an Old Woman Who Lived in a Shoe With a Big Spike on It.

4. The Three Little Pigs Build an Improvised Explosive Device and Deal With that Damned Wolf Once and for All.

5. Jack and the Giant Settle Their Differences with Flaming Knives.

6. Old Mother Hubbard, Lacking the Means to Support Herself with Honour, Sets Her Disruptor on Self-Destruct and Waits for the Inevitable.

7. Mary Had a Little Lamb. It Was Delicious.

8. Little Red Riding Hood Strays into the Neutral Zone and Is Never Heard from Again, Although There Are Rumours ... Awful, Awful Rumours.

9. Hansel and Gretel Offend Vlad the Impaler.

10. The Hare Foolishly Lowers His Guard and Is Devastated by the Tortoise, Whose Prowess in Battle Attracts Many Desirable Mates.

(Source: by Mike Richardson-Bryan on mcsweeneys.net)

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Retired chooks need home, not gravy: New homes are urgently needed for 5000 battery hens being retired from an Auckland egg farm. Linda Nunn, from Animal Re-homing, says the birds are de-beaked, almost featherless, and some have broken wings or feet. Ms Nunn says they will need a warm, dry shelter and loving care to restore them to health. The birds are being sold at 50c each, and will be slaughtered if not sold. Contact Linda Nunn on 479-1748. (Source: Eastern Courier, August 19, 2005).

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More songs for an Avondale reader's election-night music compilation ...

Lying Eyes by the Eagles, Bad Politics by the Dead C, Don't Believe the Truth by Oasis, Another One Bites the Dust by Queen, This Town Ain't Big Enough for the Both of Us by Sparks, It's All Over Now by the Rolling Stones, It's All Over Now Baby Blue by Bob Dylan and The Devil You Know by Split Enz.