Sideswipe

National's billboard inspires some imitators.

Tim de Jong of Opotiki recently bought a Vodafone phone marketed under the slogan "Simply Genius". "These phones are aimed to appeal to the market sector that does not want all the extras such as internet, cameras, video, MP3, etc, available on their cellphone. The phone is great in almost all respects - easy to operate, a big screen, simple controls and with clear instructions, but the geniuses who designed it made one very simple mistake. The phone has five choices of ring tone: Amazone - Latin American beats on cocaine; Lama - pan pipes on peyote; Magic Bell - a sweep over a xylophone; Movement - a Balinese gamelan gone wrong; and a strangled doorbell. Surely a phone being marketed as 'simple' and obviously aimed at the older market would have a normal simple ring tone in its repertoire?"

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Doug Harris of Howick writes: "Could someone please advise 'Bishop' Tamaki that a Queen can take a Bishop from any position?"

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The Sydney Morning Herald mocks Australia for trying to take credit for New Zealand successes. Peter Stone writes: "The analysts had it all wrong. They reckoned the key to winning the US Open around the Donald Ross-designed Pinehurst No 2 was a great short game, but quite clearly the secret is having an Australian wife. Six years ago American Payne Stewart, married to Queenslander Tracey, the sister of Australian professional Mike Ferguson, won at Pinehurst. He died just four months later when the Lear jet in which he was travelling crashed in the fields of South Dakota after a ghost flight across US skies. Now, Michael Campbell, married to Julie, a former Sydney model, has triumphed at Pinehurst in the open, recognised as the toughest major to win."

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Spitting chips over spud slur: British farmers were gathering last night to demand "couch potato" be removed from the Oxford Dictionary, saying the entry maligned the "inherently healthy" vegetable's image. The protesters were assembling at Parliament Square, London, and outside the Oxford University Press office, but chief editor John Simpson protested back: "When people blame words they are actually blaming the society that uses them." Simpson said the term was first recorded in the Los Angeles Times in 1979. (Source: The Australian)

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German soldiers will be allowed to sport mullets and ponytails after a court ruled Army hair regulations were unconstitutional. The ruling came after an 18-year-old soldier was locked up in a cell and fined when he refused to chop off his 25cm ponytail. The recruit only agreed to let Army barbers cut his hair when faced with three weeks in solitary confinement. The military court in Munich ruled in his favour when he made a formal complaint, arguing the varying rules for male and female recruits were "incomprehensible".

(Source: Ananova)