Sideswipe

Heads $30 - legs extra? (from the North Shore Times advertiser)

The Lake Superior State University in Michigan has released its annual List of Words Banished from the Queen's English for Misuse, Overuse and General Uselessness. Here are the best ...

Flipflop, flipflopper, flipflopping: They belong at the beach, not in a political dialogue.
Pockets of resistance: Sounds like someone having trouble pulling their hands out of their pants pockets.
Improvised explosive device: As opposed to what used to be referred to as a bomb or mine.
Enemy combatant: Makes no sense. Do we have friendly combatants? Neutral combatants? Or how about enemy bystanders? If they are your enemy, just say so.
Carbs: You're not fat because you eat bread; you're fat because you eat too much!
You're fired: To say it these days must constitute a trademark infringement?
Uber: Since when has this become a prefix for everything? That's uber-rific!
Wardrobe malfunction: Sure to be this generation's Watergate, misapplied to all situations both imaginable and not so.
Blog: Sounds like something your mother would slap you for saying.
Erectile dysfunction: Too much information!
Body wash: Also known as soap.

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Murray Hunter of Ellerslie writes: "I know that Auckland house prices have soared recently but I did not think the Rich and Famous exposed by Mr Winston Peters in his Winebox expose would move into my street. When I took my dog for a walk tonight to the park, I passed a house with a car in the driveway carrying the personalised plate of TAXRAT. Who else could it be?"

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A rather large ad in the Herald's Situations Vacant this week, with the headline "Creating the Ultimate Living Environment", was for a cemetery manager for the Whangarei District Council.

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A retired Taranaki dairy farmer moves to New Plymouth and encounters a plague of fouling, meow-ing cats. He decides to solve the problem, as any dairy farmer would, by installing a 10cm-high electric fence.

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The shortfall from the Child Development Foundation's charity auction, as a result of a guest reneging on a $3000 bid, has been generously made up by Property Funding Ltd with a bid of $2500. The prize? A night at the swanky Treetops Lodge just outside Rotorua, with breakfast and dinner, and a BMW Z4 roadster, courtesy of McMillan BMW, for the weekend. Many thanks from the foundation.