Sideswipe

Try saying the colour of the lettering, not what is written. Bet you can't.

Phil Parker, who runs a wine tour business dealing with overseas tourists, knows just how the Kiwi accent can confuse the uninitiated:

What I said: "You have to beware of the dangerous Muriwai rip tide."

What they heard: "You have to beware of the dangerous Muriwai reptile."

What the Air NZ staffer said: "Report to the check-in counter."

What they heard: "Report to the chicken counter."

What a Glaswegian said to cafe staff: "A high chair."

What the NZ waitress heard: "I hate you."

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New Zealand really is the seventh state of Australia: The West Australian newspaper reported yesterday that Agriculture Minister Kim Chance "acknowledged that WA could have a milk supply shortage this summer but said if processors were to succumb to imports, they were likely to come from Victoria and New Zealand rather than other countries". Huh?

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In the same vein as Winston Peters, Foreign Affairs Minister, Warwick Delmonte would also like to nominate Charles Manson as Child Welfare spokesman and Sir Howard Morrison for Minister of Women's Affairs.

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A help desk call from a luddite ...

Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."

Customer: "Okay."

Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"

Customer: "No."

Tech Support: "Okay. Right-click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"

Customer: "No."

Tech Support: "Okay, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"

Customer: "Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'."

Tech Support: "Okay. In the bottom left-hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?"

Customer: "Wow! How can you see my screen from there?"

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Not out of her depth: A reporter for NBC's Today show was giving her report from a canoe on a flooded street in New Jersey when her piece was interrupted by two men wearing waders slogging through the water in front of her boat, inadvertently showing the world that the "flooded street" was only ankle-deep.

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New Zealand's customs officials, influenced by nothing more than media reports of Kate Moss' appetite for cocaine, now seem to think everyone who works in fashion is a potential mule. The Sydney Morning Herald reports that some international guests for New Zealand Fashion Week found themselves detained at Auckland Airport on Tuesday. "They included the Australian expat Geoffrey J. Finch, a buyer with the Antipodium boutique in London. He underwent a complete strip search - during which he was instructed to lift and hold his genitalia, he said - after being told by customs officials that heroin residues had been found on the outside of his suitcase". The customs official also suggested that because Finch was London-based and worked in the fashion industry, he must "see quite a bit of cocaine?".