Sideswipe

Double parked: A scene outside the Manukau District Court.

The Canterbury West Coast division of the Cancer Society has come up with a novel way to educate the public about bowel cancer. "The Colossal Colon is a fibreglass tube, almost five metres in length, that is a much larger than life depiction of a colon, complete with its own sound effects" gushes the press release. "Adults and children can crawl through, walk round and look through the Colossal Colon's windows, to observe and understand healthy colon tissue and talk about how the bowel functions."

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Tips for pulling a sickie:

1. If you can, call your boss' voicemail or send him/her an email rather than speaking directly. This avoids the possibility of questions and awkward advice that often trips up the caller.

2. When making the phone call, if you can do it early in the morning, when your voice is still rough with sleep, that will give added credibility.

3. Keep an eye out for other people who have been sick at work and use the "I must have got it from Bob Smith" excuse.

4. It's important that your boss thinks you are sick in bed. Loud music or TV can destroy that image.

5. Long rambling messages are to be avoided. When lying, you are tempted to embellish. Don't. When calling in sick, less is more. The old standbys of food poisoning, flu, cold, all work because we've all been through them.

6. Calling in sick without being sick is best done for one day. Longer may require a note from your doctor.

7. Don't come back to work the next day with a tan.

8. Try not to call in "sick" on too many Mondays or Fridays - extended weekends tend to stick out in the minds of bosses and co-workers. Calling out on the occasional Tuesday is more credible. (Source: cynical-c.com)

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Don Whyte has this to say about Act's booze incentive to the party's email subscribers: "I wondered if Richard Prebble or Act has an off licence to sell liquor, if they are offering to give away sundry bottles of liquor, provided that correspondents sign up new subscribers to The Letter? The Sale of Liquor Act is quite clear - you may give away liquor, but if this depends on the recipient having to sign up subscribers, this is clearly 'a condition of sale', and is therefore selling liquor. An ex-lawyer and ex-trustee of the Portage Licensing Trust should know the law."

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Sign spotted on the side of a psychedelically painted truck in Grey Lynn: "Rocket Signtist".

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A reader writes: "I note that after 125 years Smith & Caughey's is advertising a 'sale'. Until now the store has never condescended to have a sale, but has always had half-yearly 'fairs'."