Sideswipe

Where's the 'Cornary Care Step Down Unit' at Middlemore? Near the podiatry ward?

Bruce Taylor from Tauranga was surprised to read this letter to the editor in the Fiji Sun last Thursday. "It was shocking to read in the Fiji Sun that the CEO of Social Welfare is sending one of their staff to New Zealand to learn how to run the Family Courts. New Zealand has not only legalised prostitution but also gay marriage ... It also has the largest proportion of single mums and dysfunctional families in the developed world. It has lowered the drinking age and the age for sexual consent to 12. There is absolutely nothing to learn from there ... " From his conversations with locals Taylor says many believed the letter was correct, and that New Zealand's problems were caused by legalising drugs for personal use.

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Richard Poore of St Heliers Bay is amused to note despite the increasing quantities of quality wines that have screwcaps, all of the local BYO restaurants he frequents still charge "corkage". "Given the minimal effort required to open a screwcap compared with the traditional method of pulling a cork, should they not be listing this on the account as 'screwage'?"

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This would clinch the deal for any prospective tourist ... "Four Seasons Motor Lodge is ideally located close to Tahunanui Beach and just five minutes' drive to Nelson town centre. Tahunanui township has many quality restaurants including McDonald's and Kentucky Fried Chicken."

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A reader feels it's her civic duty to warn anyone thinking of changing their name upon marriage of one of the costly consequences. "If you think you have not had enough stress as you approach your big day, consider this. If you intend to ring up our old friend Telecom to get your surname changed, it will do so with a smile. It will give you a new account number and tell you sweetly, 'Everything is all sorted! Congratulations on your marriage'. My first wedding gift arrived in the form of a $45 charge on my bill for a 'Line connection' fee although no lines were disconnected or connected on my end and I still have the same phone number. I need to pay for the the inability of Telecom's flawed billing system to alter an account holder's name."

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Toot! Toot! Lawyers get on the class-action gravy train: In Oregon, the six lawyers who helped 83 Wal-Mart workers win about US$2500 ($3518) each for being improperly denied overtime pay asked the judge for fees totalling US$2.57 million ($3.6 million), more than 12 times the clients' winnings. (Source: News of the Weird)

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Not Neighbourly #5: "A few years ago, our neighbour, frustrated at someone leaving tread marks on the grass verge while using his driveway as a turning bay, got his gardener to bury a balloon filled with housepaint under the grass. The offending car (which usually parked further up the road) duly squashed the balloon, leaving some paint on the side of the car (it was an old car anyway) and a dirty great streak of housepaint up the street. So in order to stop the odd tyre mark on the grass verge, this idiot's cunning plan leaves house paint smeared all over the road. Thank you Mr Neat and Tidy."