Sideswipe

The cover of a new cosmetic surgery magazine from Denmark.

Mainstreaming mutilation: The cover of a new cosmetic surgery magazine from Denmark. The headlines read: "Breast implants: Luxury or discount?," "Dr Haushka: Ecological wonder or PR stunt" and "When everything goes wrong".

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A supermarket chain is to sell a cut-price replica of Camilla Parker Bowles' engagement ring. One thousand of the sterling silver cubic zirconia rings will be made for sale at the Asda chain's 195 jewellery counters on the day of the royal wedding. They will cost 19 ($50) each. "Camilla's ring is a timeless classic, and we want our customers to have a taste of royalty for a fraction of the price," said Asda jewellery buyer Justine Reid. "We hope the exclusive Camilla-inspired ring will give all budding Prince Charmings the chance to impress their princesses this spring - and still have change left over for the weekly shop." Asda is also promising a more upmarket 30,000 ($80,000) version, using platinum and three-carat diamonds, on a made-to-order basis.

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A Telecom parody billboard outside the Revival Church in New Plymouth tries to keep it fresh for the kids. The text messages read: God mob: Hv u R'cvd th Holy Sprit since u blvd? Revival mob: C U at Revival 4 sum CHRCHIN UP! Sun @ 10.30.

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Former television newsreader John Hawkesby has given the shirt off his back to the Goldwater Wine charity art auction on Waiheke Island this month. Hawkesby, who is MCing the event, is giving a second-hand laundered shirt to the highest bidder. More discerning bidders might want to hold out for the real art from the likes of Christine Boswyck, Peter Oxborough, Christine Cathie, Donna Hansen, Raewyn Atkinson, Gary Nash, Denis O'Connor, Barry Lett and Philip Luxton. Proceeds will go to the Waiheke Community Art Gallery and Te Huruhi Primary School.

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Old joke: A bloke walks into his mate's fancy dress party, wearing normal clothes and with his girlfriend on his back. "What have you come as?" asks the bemused host. "I'm a tortoise" says the bloke. "This", he says pointing to his girlfriend, "is Michelle."