Sideswipe

Location, location, location: The only thing more odd than Winston Peters' camp pose is why Massey St in Hamilton is home to this hoarding.

Speaking of odd, Act's leader, Rodney Hide, sent a note to media yesterday saying he will "outline Act's plan to nail student debt to students and the media". Huh?


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And who was scheduled to appear on tonight's now defunct Holmes show on Prime? Poor old Rodney.

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A reader writes: "Ordered pizza from Pizza Hut [West Coast Rd, Glen Eden] on Friday night. Our order was taken at 6.43pm, husband arrives just after 7pm and 40 minutes later he asks, where is it? Staff were busy and forgot. Another 10 minutes' wait. Finally get pizza, get home, sit down ... tastes funny - lo and behold, no cheese."

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Lost in translation:

In a Japanese hotel room: Please to bathe inside the tub.

In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.

In a Leipzig lift: Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.

In a Belgrade hotel lift: To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.

In a Paris hotel lift: Please leave your values at the front desk.

In a hotel in Athens: Visitors are expected to complain at the office between 9 and 11am daily.

In a Japanese hotel: You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.

In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers: Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension.

On the menu of a Swiss restaurant: Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.

On the menu of a Polish hotel: Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion.

In a Hong Kong supermarket: For your convenience, we recommend coureous, efficient self-service.

Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop: Ladies may have a fit upstairs.

In a Bangkok dry cleaner's: Drop your trousers here for best results.

Outside a Paris dress shop: Dresses for street walking.

In a Rhodes tailor shop: Order your summer's suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.

(From the book "Anguished English" by Richard Lederer [1989].)