Sideswipe

This is no place for off-road travel for the uninitiated.

Reason why SUVs should be banned from the suburbs, No 347: This picture was taken inside the entrance gate to North Head. Clearly stuck, the driver had left on foot. The DOC sign in the background says: "Warning: There are a number of steep drop offs within this reserve. Keep to formed tracks and ensure children are supervised."

* * *

From the small print on an Air New Zealand eTicket: " ... no guarantee of a seat on a particular flight is indicated by the terms 'reservation', 'booking', "OK" or 'confirmed' ... " Let's hope their definition of "safe" is more in line with what the rest of us believe it to be.

* * *

A reader supplies another story of determined revenue collection. "This week, I got pulled over by police. The reason was, there was an LPG sticker (size 2cm x 2cm) attached to my licence plate and he said a speed camera could not read my plate properly. I told him that the sticker had come with the LPG and the car was brand-new. He was not interested and was about to issue me a ticket when I became a bit argumentative with him. Finally, a second officer came over and agreed not to give me a ticket if I removed the sticker on the spot. Five minutes of stubbornness saved me $80."

* * *

Here's what to expect from the musical version The Lord of the Rings, opening in Toronto in March next year. Musical director Matthew Warchus told the Toronto Star: "We have not attempted to pull the novel towards the standard conventions of musical theatre, but rather to expand those conventions so that they will accommodate Tolkien's material. As a result, we will be presenting a hybrid of text, physical theatre, music and spectacle never previously seen on this scale."

* * *

Bad joke corner: A firefighter is working on an engine outside the station when he notices a little girl next door in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle. The girl is wearing a fire fighter's helmet. The wagon is being pulled by her dog and her cat. The firefighter walks over to take a closer look. "That sure is a nice fire truck," the fire fighter says with admiration. "Thanks," the girl says. The firefighter looks a little closer and notices the girl has tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's testicles. "Little partner," the fire fighter says, "I don't want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar too, I think you could go faster." The little girl replies thoughtfully, "You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren."