Sideswipe

A reader writes: "This T-shirt was given out to all passengers on the inaugural Pacific Blue flight from Christchurch to Rarotonga on March 19. Everyone got one but the idea was that in return they donated any sum they liked and the money went to a disabled people's charity in the Cook Islands. Perhaps they didn't want to run foul of the trade name rules ... "

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Ted Greening of Northcote writes: "When my Japanese homestay asked me what Auckland people do at Easter I said, 'They drive'. She said 'You mean vacation?' I said, 'No. On Good Friday and Easter Sunday they spend all day driving around looking for any shops that may be open. On Easter Saturday and Monday they flock to the shopping centres and drive around all day trying to find a parking space."'

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A reader writes: "The Auckland City Council suggests car parks should be made smaller to get large 4x4s out of the city. After a little research I find a Toyota Prado 4x4 has a length of 4.850m and a Holden Commodore stationwagon a length of 5.033. Bugger! Perhaps ACC should do some research before placing foot in mouth. Now ... what size shoe is that?"

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Overheard at the Warriors' second home game at Ericsson Stadium on Sunday:

Fan No.1: "Did you see the way they kept going right to the end - they didn't give up, eh?"

Fan No. 2: "Who? The Warriors?"

Fan No.1: "No ... those little dachshunds that raced at half-time."

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Even more from the NewCynics Dictionary, by Rick Bayan at The Cynic's Sanctuary, at i-cynic.com:

Geek: The lowest form of life at a carnival and the highest form of life at a technology company, which implies the superiority of carnivals.

IPO: An investment that would generate less enthusiasm if it were more widely known that the letters stand for "It peters out".

Lunch: In the business world, a midday feast formerly enjoyed in the company of colleagues but now reduced to a few gulps in front of the computer when no one is looking.

McMansions: Vast multi-chambered suburban palazzos especially designed to house affluent couples with one child.

Professional: 1. In personal ads, the most desirable sort of potential mate. 2. In the streets, a prostitute. 3. In the business world, see definition 2.

Scandal: That which ruins an unpopular official and causes a popular one to enjoy an even higher approval rating.

Team Player: The type of co-operative, self-effacing employee beloved by corporations that promote egotists to the top positions.

Wannabe: In most cases, a neverwill. One whose aspiration results in little more than perspiration.

Web, The: A vast bazaar with millions of booths and nothing to eat.