Sideswipe

Bird flu perhaps? No mention of poultry in the story accompanying this headline from Hamilton's community newspaper This Week.

Graham Fleetwood from Howick has the post-holiday blues: "My wife and I flew back to Auckland from a Brisbane holiday yesterday afternoon on Pacific Blue ... On arrival in Auckland the mechanics on the airbridge failed, so as we descended the steps from the aircraft to the tarmac, instead of feeling the cold southerly, I felt a warm glow at arriving back in the Land of the Long White Cloud. At the airport service station I noticed the price of petrol at $1.32 against 96c in Brisbane and knew as we crawled to Howick in the late-afternoon rush through 24 sets of traffic lights that most of the 52c a litre petrol tax was going to a good cause. Not to improve roads and infrastructure but to fund the legal fees for our neighbourhood group to tell the local authority that Maori council seats were unnecessary and to pay for my local craft group to travel to Venice to study mask-making. Welcome home. The only thing missing at Auckland Airport was Mickey Mouse to greet us."

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Hugh discovers a new trend: "I wonder when the trendy morons who drive with their fog lights on, in the complete absence of fog, are going to be reined in? In Europe it is illegal to do so because the dangerous dazzling effects of these bright lights are recognised. Additionally, the bright red rear fog light blazing away means you can't tell whether the vehicle in front of you is braking or not. Come on trendies, wake up and get a brain - fog lights are designed for fog and fog only."

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Tony Waring of Titirangi is not in the habit of talking to inanimate objects, but ... "My new, slim and shiny cellphone slipped out of my pocket, and fell 4m from the deck to the concrete drive below. It split into three parts, and I immediately thought it was a goner. However, when I reassembled it and pressed the 'on' button, much to my surprise, up came the cheery Vodafone digital greeting of 'How are you?' Reeling in amazement, I said to it: 'More to the point, how are you?'."

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Following his arrest in New York a few months back for allegedly groping a woman on the street, actor Christian Slater's career appears to be heading down the gurgler. Slater will voice a role for a Domestos (bleach) TV advertising campaign. "We've hired Christian because we wanted to try and bring the germs to life in the advert," says a spokesman. "He's perfect because he's got this husky, slightly dark voice. And of course, there's a slightly dark side to him." Slater's big movies include Interview With a Vampire alongside Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt.