Sideswipe

Kate Hawkesby before TV in 1989 (left) and after TV in 2005 (right)

A letter to the editor of the Northern News: "I have attended many funeral services in the lovely chapel of the Church of the Latter Day Saints in Kaikohe. The chapel has all the conveniences that the public need. It can seat 1250 people if needed, is air-conditioned and loud speakers are arranged all around so that the congregation can hear. There are earphones for the hard of hearing and the elderly, toilets for the handicapped, a special room for mothers and babies and a large recreation hall. However, I have noticed one thing that has to be enlarged to make it one hundred per cent - the outside door where the coffins are brought in is too small for overweight casket bearers. Fix the problem and I won't need to go on a diet to be able to squeeze my way through with the other bearers".

Overweight bearer, Kaiko"

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The Queen has reportedly ordered a DVD box set of the latest Dr Who series for her summer holidays. She has become a huge fan of the BBC show starring Christopher Ecclestone, says the Mirror. Royal aides say the monarch is also a fan of the Daleks (right) and she intends to while away August evenings watching the series at Balmoral.(Source: ananova.com)

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Glenda explains why her sign, looking for a Bounty Hunter to shoot a couple of dogs, is fair enough: "I own 8 acres and had 35 ducks. They were Khaki Campbells and were egg laying ducks ... [they]were my pets. I locked them up at night in a purpose-built pen which was rat, stoat and dog proof. Since mid-January 2005, dogs were going around and around the pen scaring the hell out of my ducks, they went from laying 30 eggs a day to none. I sat in the pen with my ducks one night with torches and was able to identify the young blue heeler pups and complained to the owner. He said he would make sure his dogs were chained up at night. In the following months, I would come home to find freshly killed ducks on my property ... I complained to the council and police and I was told to shoot the dogs ... I do not wish to be a victim and I feel absolutely responsible to protect the animals and birds in my care ... I don't know how to fire a gun. I don't have a gun licence. So it is more effective to hire someone with a current firearms licence and no drug convictions to shoot the dogs, like I hire an electrician or plumber."