Sideswipe

Camilla Martin

Even Martin Devlin's inappropriate tendencies wouldn't have gone near the Feilding double murder, but bFM's breakfast host Camilla Martin hasn't yet learned when to shut up. On Monday bFM reported in a news item that a Sunday paper had published these comments from a man regarding the Feilding double homicide: "I know who did it and I own two rifles. Someone might just be getting a knock at the door." Martin faded up her microphone and interjected: "That would be really cool ... like Kill Bill." A listener in London complained to the station via email. Martin's unexpected personal response follows: "Thanks for your feedback. I'd have to say that as a radio DJ every thing I say on air will not appease everybody, what I said before for example and your reaction being a prime indication of that. I'm not making any apologies though, if I didn't say something offensive every now and then, a reaction or opinion wouldn't be stirred. I'll send you some tampons and tissues. Camilla." Bring back Mikey, please.

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A whole heap of bad ass slang is about to be legitimised. The following words (and their nasty unpublishable cohorts) will debut in the newest version of the Collins English Dictionary, out in August. Primary influences in this evolution of the English language appear to be gangsta rap and internet porn. A few examples: Hood rat (sexually promiscuous), hornbag (sexy), langer (a penis), mong (an idiot), bottom feeder (a loser), damaged goods (psychologically damaged person), kuta (dog), chib (to stab), hate speech (an unPC statement), shockumentary, happy slapping (slapping the faces of unsuspecting members of the public and recording it for posterity on camera-phones), bump uglies (have sex), hit skins (have sex). And celebrity mothers, who were once described as yummy mummies, will now be dictionary-defined as MILF (look it up at urbandictionary.com if you don't already know).

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The Alleluya Noise Festival's oddest sounding act: "Lovely Midget & Sean O'Reilly: with computer & guitar Lovely Midget wonders terribly, she squirts, she sings to her oscillation and crawls to a childish vapor." (For other experimental music and sound-making performances see audiofoundation.org.nz)

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A reader is desperately seeking Jasper: "When our much-loved budgie flew the coop a few weeks ago he already spoke sparrow, blackbird, te reo, English and a smattering of French. Unfortunately he had not quite mastered his home phone number. If he has taken up residence with you, we will happily pay a (small) fortune for his safe return. And if you have found his little green corpse, or your moggie has come home with a mouthful of green feathers, well, I guess we'd like to hear about that. Please phone Margaret on 376 4774."