Sideswipe

This is Patrick Tribett's mug shot. The Ohio man was nabbed on the weekend for "abusing harmful intoxicants" as he attempted to make a purchase at Bellaire's Dollar General Store. The 41-year-old Tribett had been huffing spray paint and needed a refill.

Opinion

Reader Ken McKillop couldn't resist sharing this true story about his mate and owner of the Tutukaka Marina Pizzaria, Roger Jones. You see, Roger got home from work on Saturday night during a heavy downpour and decided to check his downpipes - the first two were fine, but somehow he managed to get his muscular arm firmly stuck down the third. Stranded, Roger banged on the roof and called for help, but the sound of the rain drowned out his cries. After 20 minutes, his son finally came out and tried unsuccessfully to dislodge his old man's stuck arm. "Can I get you a cup of tea Dad?" he joked. Next, Roger's wife tries. It won't budge. Tired and soaked, she suggests they wait until morning and then try again. After more than an hour in bucketing rain, up on the roof with his arm wedged in a downpipe, like a bewildered cat, Roger finally had to be rescued by the local volunteer fire brigade.

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And you thought Dick Hubbard's revolutionary marketing initiative - the "clipboard" of his musings inserted into every cereal packet - was genius. Now the council's weekly blurb, City Scene, has gone mayor-centric. Since the latest spat with his dastardly deputy Bruce Hucker, the spinners at City Hall have been plastering photos and heaping praise on Mother Hubbard on the front page of City Scene while Mother Hucker has been banished. A press release issued by Hucker on a central city upgrade was used in an article in City Scene, extensively quoting the architect but not a mention of you-know-who.

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Idiotic Public Statement

1: Brimbank City Council in west Melbourne has decreed shopping bags and library books banned on a community bus service for the elderly because it feared grocery items and books could become dangerous missiles. Passengers now have to pay for their groceries to be home-delivered. Only goods that can be stored safely in handbags will be allowed on the bus ...

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Idiotic Public Statement

2: Itching for a revolution, blogger Brendon Mills tries to incite a riot by claiming in his online diary that, "National must be stopped - now. I call out to everyone who is left to unite together and keep Don Brash out of power - even if it means industrial paralysis, civil disobedience and blood on the streets." Buy yourself another Playstation game dude ...

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Pain in the Grass: A Minneapolis city inspector noticed the grass around a local YWCA looked a lot higher than the 8-inch maximum allowed by city regulation. But he didn't notice a large sign saying the grass was a man-made prairie full of native species created as a teaching device. The firm he then hired to mow the lawn didn't see the sign, reading "Why Don't We Mow?" in large letters, either. About 15 minutes later, five years worth of work, for which the YWCA had a city permit, was chopped to shreds. The city inspector's office said they sent out notices before cutting the grass, but those notices were sent to a nearby school, not the YWCA.