Sideswipe

Diana, the Princess of Wales doll

The American makers of this 30cm plastic Diana talking action figure have mistakenly called her the Princess of Whales. Commentators in Britain say the doll has garish make-up, unconvincing hair and an ill-fitting white suit that Di wouldn't have been caught dead in. Fortunately there are only 10,000 in circulation. The creepiest part of the doll? Some of the 16 historic phrases which include gems such as "I'd like to be a queen of people's hearts", "I don't sit here with resentment, I sit here with sadness", and "There's far too much about me in the newspaper", all recorded using Diana's voice.

* * *

Watching One News on Sunday, a reader noted: "During an item on gliding champs, one Ben Flewett was interviewed, then, in an item on Fire Service equipment cleaning to avoid rock snot, one Don Bogie was interviewed."

* * *

A visitor from the Hawkes Bay sums up her Anniversary Weekend experience down at the Viaduct: "Am I a fool for paying $5.75 for an underwhelming coffee at the Hilton? Do bars in the Viaduct only allow music from 1985 to be played? And why at midnight was I shunted inside O'Hagen's Bar despite the stinking heat, to keep the noise down for the yuppies who bought apartments there?"

* * *

Days before his State of the Union speech, George W. Bush did a warm-up gig in Washington, in which he seemed to be taking the mickey out of ... himself. On the controversial eavesdropping without court approval, Mr Bush said: "You know, you can't please some people no matter what you do. Half the time they say I'm isolated and don't listen. Then when I do listen, they say I need a warrant."

* * *

Regular Takapuna Beach walkers Susie and Kevin Wheller write: "On Friday's walk we were commenting on how much debris had washed up on the beach from last week's rough weather. We watched a young couple with their infant child investigate a huge pile of seaweed. It looked like they pulled out a large fish but, oh no, it was a live penguin stuck in the seaweed. It was promptly picked up and taken away by the family. Hopefully it won't appear on Trade Me like the dolphin did." Can anyone in officialdom who knows what happened to the aforementioned penguin, please contact Sideswipe.