Ruth Berry: Pack attack as MPs smell blood

Parliamentarians haven't enjoyed themselves so much since the not-so-distant publication of Don Brash's biography and its corned beef and pea confessions.

Nothing is quite as delicious as the artlessness of a politician who orchestrates his own descent into the underworld.

Labour enjoyed the Brash book so much, its research unit produced its own version of the choicest quotes - The Potted Biography - for party MPs to use in the House.

Wellington appeared to have sold out of copies of Investigate magazine by mid-Monday, but Opposition MPs came to the House yesterday clutching already well-worn photocopies.

John Tamihere might have been banished, but he had made so many startling revelations that Helen Clark faced no fewer than three questions on them in Parliament.

When the session began with MPs expressing their sadness over the death of the Pope, it was hard not to wonder if the Prime Minister wished she was referring to JT rather than JP when she hoped he would "rest in peace".

Then again, as things stood yesterday, it seemed unlikely that Mr Tamihere's colleagues would bother with condolences.

Like Dr Brash, he might have hurt his own political prospects, but Mr Tamihere went further and gave his own colleagues the fingers, even if unintentionally. Opposition MPs were naturally at pains to suggest he wasn't stressed, simply honest.

If Mr Tamihere hadn't, like the Pope, helped to bring down the Iron Curtain (or as one United Future MP said "destroy the evil empire"), he'd given everyone a good glimpse of what happened behind Godzone's version of it, they suggested.

Did the Prime Minister understand that New Zealanders were grateful, Dr Brash asked, for Mr Tamihere's "revealing insights" about his smarmy colleagues who were clever but had "no substance"?

Helen Clark replied, attempting sanctimony: "I note that Mr Tamihere referred to a number of his colleagues as very clever, unlike [National MP] Brian Connell's reference to the Leader of the Opposition as 'stupid'."

Winston Peters continued: "Can the Prime Minister please reconcile these two events: Lianne Dalziel being told to go home for allegedly not telling the truth, and John Tamihere being told to go home for irrefutably telling the truth."

With the exception of a few of the maligned - the unimpressed and definitely unsmarmy-looking Steve Maharey and a grim-faced Tim Barnett - the Government worked so assiduously to laugh harder than the Opposition that there was a ghastly hint of vaudeville to the whole performance.

"Forced canned laughter," said Rodney Hide.

But that was until the Act leader got bold and asked about the things and people to blame for Mr Tamihere's sense of emasculation.

Since Helen Clark had said Mr Tamihere's remarks were drivel, "what part of the following statement made by Mr Tamihere is false: Helen being brutalised by people who have called her a lesbian, no children and all the rest of it? Her key adviser Heather Simpson is a butch?" Hide asked.

The guard dogs let rip.

Trevor Mallard hissed something about "child molesters" and Michael Cullen snarled about Mr Hide that "if he gets in the gutter he gets kicked", before both were ruled out of order.

It was left to the PM, Mother Superior-like throughout, to explain her surprise at how low Mr Hide had sunk.

"Only last week, Mr Hide to his credit defended a man against allegations at that time which appeared to be based on homophobia ... I speak in this House as someone who has been happily married for 23 1/2 years and who has never been brutalised by anybody."