Neville Rykers: These days the dentist lets you torture yourself

Opinion

Remember when going to the dentist filled you with dread? Today, thanks to technology and better painkillers, a visit is at least tolerable.

But our traditional torturers have added another dimension. It is called oral hygiene. No longer is a vigorous scrub with a toothbrush sufficient - you see, the bristles do not get right in between the teeth.

Having finished any repair work, your dentist will examine each tooth intently - this is when you start to feel both guilty and inadequate. You know that he or she is going to find stuff in your back teeth which you should have removed and didn't and that you are going to be told about it - in a kindly way but with a barely concealed hint of exasperation.

So off you go, thoroughly chastised to get busy with the alternative cleaning tools that have been recommended.

There are two. The first is the terrible toothpick, of which there are many different types but a popular one is a hardwood stick sharpened at both ends which is too long to fit comfortably into the mouth and, if you do manage to insert it, will almost certainly puncture mouth or lip.

Other types are made of soft wood, short enough and blunt at one end and they work. But they have a fault. You can easily push the offending piece of prime eye fillet out but the soft wood jams between the teeth and breaks off, having to be removed with another toothpick.

Once you have tired of sweeping all the toothpicks off the bathroom floor, you can try the second alternative, which is the deadly dental floss: a spool of fine thread designed to cause the user to wish for an immediate set of false teeth.

In theory it is a great tool, but I defy most people to get it between the teeth at the rear of the mouth. The idea is to pull a length of floss back and forth between the molars, but you try holding both ends and getting at stuff between your back teeth without losing grip. If you do, you deserve a medal because losing grip means a short length of floss stuck between - so back to the toothpicks.

Aha, you say, what about those dinky little plastic dental floss sticks with a bow on the end fitted with a short length of floss? They too have a problem: they are too long and, you guessed it, the other end is sharp so further scars are added to the inside of the mouth and lips.

I wish I knew the answer to this dilemma, but there are so many other problems in life that I will probably go back to the toothbrush and take it on the chin next time I visit the dentist. Or it might be amusing to ask for a personal demonstration of the technique while you watch, although it doesn't pay in the long run to antagonise a dentist.

- Neville Rykers is a reader from Te Atatu South, Auckland.