Kerre Woodham: Violence hard trap to escape

When it comes to spousal abuse, it's simple, isn't it? If he hits you once, shame on him. Hits you twice, and it's shame on you. Meaning if he hits you, you leave.

The longer you stay, the more excuses you make for his behaviour, the more likely it is that you'll be carried out of that relationship by ambulance staff.

Same goes for the blokes. She attacks you, you leave.

You don't stay for the kids, because who wants kids growing up in a toxic environment where they think a normal relationship involves vicious verbal abuse, blood and bruises?

I've had precious little sympathy for people who stick around to be someone else's punching bag, but the more I hear from people in domestic violence situations, the less clear-cut it seems.

One man told me he wouldn't leave his abusive wife because he was terrified she would move on to another man as violent as she was and that would put his daughter at risk. One woman had been in a relationship for 18 years and her husband has only just started hitting her. It's been only four times, and he's been under a lot of pressure at work, and is drinking too much, and although she knows it's wrong she doesn't want to throw away 18 years.

So what do you do in these sorts of situations?

Judge Philip Recordon told a conference this week that not all men should be jailed on their first domestic violence offence as an automatic sentence, and that if they received the appropriate counselling they might be able to change their ways and the family might remain intact.

It's a nice idea. I'd like to think that were true.

But if you're in a relationship where your first instinct is to hurt the person who loves you most, what hope is there for that relationship to survive?