Jim Hopkins: Why little Chug is determined to be brave like Hercules

Once upon a time there was a brave little aeroplane, who really wasn't very little at all. But he was very brave. He was so brave he would fly under bridges - upside down.

He was so brave he would fly very close to volcanic crater lakes - just to see if they were ready to burst their banks.

He was so brave he would even listen to the Minister of Defence when he came to the aerodrome to read a speech that somebody else had written. And that's really brave.

But the little aeroplane wasn't only brave. Wherever he went, he did his best. Or tried to. If he wasn't too tired. And he always helped his mummy and her partner, too, just like every good little aeroplane should.

Everyone liked the brave little aeroplane. They would wave whenever he was able to fly overhead, which he always did as quietly as possible in case they thought he was a speedway car. Or one of those horrid aeroplanes that bombed moths.

But people knew he wasn't like that.

"Hullo, Chug," they'd say as he chugged over their homes. "It's nice to see you're up and about today."

People called the brave little aeroplane Chug even though his real name was Lockheed C130 Hercules. But that was hard to remember so they named him after the sound his engines made - "chug chug chugga chugga rumbleclatter SNAP" - just before they stopped.

Which they did often. Chug had stopped all over the world. Sometimes he'd stop before he'd even got where he was going. And then stop again after he'd got there.

But he never gave up. When his friends (who also stopped a lot) muttered, "Maybe we should just stay on the ground", Chug said "Never". Because he was brave.

"If we did that," he said, "we wouldn't be part of a balanced, integrated, rapid-response force capable of fulfilling a vital non-aggressive niche role in any United Nations-sanctioned multinational peacekeeping operation."

"Gosh, you really did listen to the Minister of Defence, didn't you?" sniffed his friends as they dipped their aching parts into tubs of hot oil to make them feel better.

"Yes I did," said Chug. "That's why I'm not sitting around feeling sorry for myself. I'm going to get some extra petrol in case there's an emergency. You know our motto - Per ardua, add gastra - you're in trouble if you don't fill up. Have a nice day."

And off he went.

He'd always been like that, ever since he joined the Air Force. In the old days, when they had jets, Chug used to race them across the sky, even though it made his rivets pop and his engines smoke.

And when the jets got tired, he would squeeze his hydraulic muscles as tight as tight to open the big doors under his tail so they could fly in and have a rest.

"Thanks," said the jets. "We needed that."

"You're welcome," said Chug. "Pop in any time."

"We will," said the jets and flew off to train with the Australian Navy

Nowadays, of course, they didn't train with anyone. They just stayed in a great big hangar all day with cobwebs on their tyres and fading "For Sale" signs stuck on their noses. Lots of people wanted to buy them but for some funny reason they never got sold. Chug just couldn't understand that.

Still, there was always plenty to take his mind off things (provided he wasn't being mended).

Sometimes he even went to Afghanistan but you mustn't tell anyone, boys and girls. We don't want the grown-ups finding out. Not when we're only supposed to be "fulfilling a vital non-aggressive niche role in any UN-sanctioned multinational peacekeeping missions".

One day, after he'd delivered his load of pineapple chunks and Marmite, Chug had asked the SAS soldiers (Shhhhh), "Why are you in Afghanistan?"

"We're not," they said. "And don't say we're here as the Government's Washington insurance policy, either."

"Why not?" asked Chug. "Because it's true," said the soldiers, shooting their guns so loudly it made his ears ring.

Just as they were ringing now. But this time it was the phone. "Hello," said the Air Vice Admiral (who looked after boats, too, because there weren't many planes left). "Chug, there's a big emergency overseas and we need you to get there as quick as you can."

Which wasn't very quick at all because Chug broke down twice. But eventually he loaded up with so many supplies that his tyres bulged and his floor creaked and his engines stopped three times on the way to where the emergency was.

"Keep lifting,"said the Air Vice Admiral. "You must keep lifting."

"That's easy for you to say," said Chug, who was waiting to get some new parts so he could fly one of our Important People to a nice dry hotel where they would meet other Important People while a photographer took lots of pictures of them with their nice dry cameras.

When the Minister of Defence found out that Chug wasn't lifting important cargoes or Important People he called an immediate press conference. "Gummint mindful," he said. " ... Inevitable consequence of rigorous operational schedule," he said. " ... Urgent review of fiscal parameters," he said. " ... No reflection on me," he said. " ... Finest Air Force in world," he said. " ... Lifting capacity enhancement upgrade programme already under way," he said. " ... Stop laughing," he said.

Then he wrote out a big fat cheque to fix Chug and his friends. And they all lift happily ever after.