Jim Hopkins: Psst! Wanna hear all the goss from Fashion Week?

Well, ring-a-ding-ding, let's bling that thing! Yes! Fashion Week is back in all its ritzy glitzy glory. And to keep you minxes and mavens and mega-babes absolutely up with every little snippet of glad rag, goody-bag goss, our uber-glam team of super-chic fashionistas have combed the catwalks to find the hottest styletime goss. And here it is, my angels.

Double-breasted or two-faced?

Having stubbornly refused to model for either of the big labels, you could have heard a jaw drop at the mega-uber Fashion Week launch when ultra-populist Winston Peters powered down the catwalk in a truly breath-taking turncoat, provocatively trimmed with baubles and perks.

"I'm not wearing this all the time," Mr Peters explained.

"Only when I'm being minister of whatever it is I'm minister of. Otherwise, I can be my own man and wear my own range."

"It's quite simple," murmured a Beehive insider.

"He's lost Tauranga, so he runs the country. That's how democracy works. And it will work! If you can imagine George Gregan feeding the All Black scrum, it all makes perfect sense."

Imagine what they'd do with the engineers' overalls!

Rave reviews for Air New Zealand's ultra-chic, ultra-skimpy, ultra-revealing in-flight uniforms at Monday's uber-glam unveiling.

Styled by Damfreezi, the next-to-nothing outfits barely cover all destinations. "We've gone for a minimal look to match the cabin service," says Damfreezi designer, Trellis Fencing.

"I particularly like the knee pads for pilots. Now they can apologise to politicians without damaging their legs."

Protests outside the venue by 600 aircraft engineers wearing nothing but redundancy notices didn't dim the rapturous mood.

"Provided they keep on upgrading us, it's all hunky dory,' murmured a Beehive insider.

He's back!

Sycophants everywhere are thrilled the PM's own Captain Schmoooz is back in the MC spotlight. It's true, dahhhlings. Fresh from his triumph at the We Take Money From Poor People So We Can Make Boring Music Awards - where he wowed fans with the shock revelation that he is "Helen Clark's love child" - the utterly divine Groveller Driver was host with the most when the new cabinet line-up was launched at Toady's.

Amongst the surprises on show were Annette King in a stunning new lame truncheon, Trevor Mallard in a fetching Isolation Ward and Lianne Dalziel wearing a stunning accessory described by insiders as "a mouth scarf".

"It's just in case she says something," murmured a Beehive insider.

Tariana tearful?

Astute fashionistas positively quivered with excitement when they spotted our newest and most loveable plumpkin, NZ Idol Rosita Via, schmoozing like a veteran at the Diet Coat launch.

And who should our cuddlesome chanteuse discover hidden away in a gloomy corner?

None other than Tariana Turia, modelling a deeply depressing sackcloth and ashes ensemble and fighting back the tears as she contemplated the realisation that her party truly was the last cab off the rank.

Clearly moved, Rosita gave Mrs T a great big uber-schmooz and said, "Cheer up, girlfriend. Look on the bright side. Howard Morrison said I was fat!

"I think that puts things in perspective," murmured a Beehive insider. 

Bollard cast off?

"Stop Spending" is a hard line to sell, as funky stylemeister, Alan Bollard found out this week at the launch of his fabulous new range - Austerity For Him, Frugality For Her.

"It's so bleak," gasped one fashionista. "He's even scrapped the cocaine pouch!"

Bollard's models tried to make his coolie-cut, no pockets outfits look sexy but it was hard work.

"Garden twine for buttons was a lovely touch," whispered overseas uber-maven, Rowena Junkett, "but otherwise things look pretty grim."

Many in the chic set noted the empty front row at the Bollard launch. Normally these prime spots are reserved for the nation's politicos but since the wee dears were all frantically sewing together big ticket coalition deals involving a $100 million here, a $100 million there and solar panels everywhere, "they just didn't have time to attend the Stop Spending bash, dahhhling", murmured a Beehive insider.

Is yellow the new black?

Maybe so, if the announcement of Labour's "hysteric" third term is anything to go by. Breaking the news on Tuesday, PM Helen Clark complemented her distinctly lemon-lipped expression with a stunning custard-yellow trouser suit that's rumoured to represent "the nausea within".

"I think we're going to see a lot more of this look," murmured a Beehive insider. It's either that or an 'exit with dignity' - at other people's expense."