Jim Hopkins: Dargaville is bound to beat the pants off Melbourne

From: Reg Mutton
Subject: Opening Ceremony

Date: 16 March 2006 6:53:46 AM

To: euTroff@OpeningSuC.org.nz

Dear euphoria - Help! Total disaster here, I'm afraid. As explained previously the Marina Action Group were doing some hydrographic flow trials down at the Working Men's Club on Wednesday night so I couldn't watch Melbourne's Opening Ceremony. Trouble is, the new DVD recorder has bloomin' well let me down. Bruce says it's got a dodgy digital wavealiser or something.

Unfortunately, I've got to brief the committee tomorrow afternoon (are you coming?) so I need to know what we're up against, Opening Ceremony-wise. If Dargaville's bid to host the 2014 Commonwealth Games is going to succeed, then we've all got to be up with the play across the board in every facet. Could u as Chairperson of our Opening Ceremony Sub-Committee (OpeningSuC) please give me a detailed MelbOpCer briefing asap. I am at your convenience, Yrs - Reg Mutton (Chrmn, DaDCoG, Dargaville & Districts Commonwealth Games Cttee)

From: Reg Mutton
Subject: Re: Opening Ceremony

Date: 16 March 2006 10:15:31 AM

To: euTroff@OpeningSuC.org.nz

Dear Ms Troff - Look, I know you arty types are soft on drugs and that, but this is ridiculous. A whole lot of koalas rowing a great big Jandal through the sky? So they can rescue a boy doing aerobatics on a skateboard with a duckwoman until he crashes into a giant flannelette pylon?

What have you been smoking, Euphoria? Need I remind you that the SuC in your committee's title does not refer to wacky baccy!!! Yrs - R Mutton.
PS This duck the boy dreamt about - was it called Donald???

PPS I did like the tram with wings. Perhaps we could continue that aeronautical theme by featuring a national airline with engineers?

From: Reg Mutton
Subject: Apology for Opening

Date: 16 March 2006 1:03:30 PM

To: euTroff@OpeningSuC.org.nz

Dear Ms Troff (Euphoria) Please accept in the most written terms a formal apology from myself on behalf of me. I've just seen the midday news and your description of the Melbourne Opening Ceremony was asbolutely correct, right down to the commentator saying "Australians are good at taking the mickey out of themselves". This will be a hard act to follow, especially since they had fish of all nations on the Yarra River. Could we use the water race in our Opening, do you think? Respectfully yours - Reg Mutton.

From: Reg Mutton
Subject: Re Re Opening

Date: 16 March 2006 3:45:19 PM

To: euTroff@OpeningSuC.org.nz

Euphoria - Yes, I think a group of yachties standing on a giant piece of paper would symbolise a Resource Consent that actually was granted and I'm sure Chris Carter would understand we were just "taking the mickey".

Trouble is, having lanterns "glowing in a spirit of consultative hope" inside the Consent form would raise some OSH issues, unfortunately.

Also, I wonder what significance it would have for a weightlifter from St Vincent and the Grenadines - which is a place, incidentally, not a rock band.

Mrs Mutton thought it might be nice to have a giant tennis ball flying across the Showgrounds and sticking in the mouth of a big angry paper mache politician to show how the Games silence negativity. Whaddaya reckon? Reg

PS Marlene at Dargaville Rubberware says they could do the ball no sweat and Barry at the garage will let us use his air hose.

PPS Love the idea of a V8 dancing with the stripper - sure beats a bike and a ballet dancer. Besides, anything with V8s is bound to get up Auckland's nose!!!!

From:Reg Mutton
Subject: Opening 2014

Date:17 March 2006 7:16:41 AM

To:euTroff@OpeningSuC.org.nz

Dear Euphie Pops ... As you say, it would be stunning if the giant tennis ball "smashed savagely through the silent wonder of a kauri forest, causing one of the mighty giants to fall on a txt bully's cellphone, thus offering a scathing but scintillating visual indictment of the evils of technology".

I particularly like the idea that "during this ecological holocaust, John Campbell could solemnly read a long list of past injustices to indigenous peoples, all translated into sign language by a human pyramid of disabled athletes".

That is absolutely brilliant!!! It's the kind of Opening that everyone in New Zealand would be proud to present. I'm sure your "anguished tableaux" would get plenty of gummint funding too. Anything gloomy seems very popular in Wellington. Keep up the good work - Mutts

PS Should we ask Brenda at the Camping Ground to hold a caravan for Kiri Te Kanawa? Having her sing a little tribute to each nation is a wonderful thought. I like your wee ditty:-

Every little breeze

Seems to whisper Belize

It'll be hard getting a rhyme for The Turks and Caicos Islands, won't it? Still, I bet you do. If you give me the music I'll get the Pipe Band practising. This'll really show Melbourne how to do an Opening!!! Never forget the DadCoG slogan, "We don't stand still - in Dargaville!"