Garth George: Jostling politicians best entertainment around

The election campaign is shaping up as a soap opera much more entertaining than anything television has to offer. And the best part of it is that we won't have to wait for yonks to find out the outcome of the intriguing plots and subplots the cast of politicians is involved in.

The principal plot, of course, is whether Do-or-Die Don will get to tumble High-and-Mighty Helen. But there is a lot going on in the background, too.

Will Waltzing Winston get nailed by Bob the Builder in Tauranga, or will the wily one once again con the Taurangans into returning him to Parliament to be a prevaricating thorn in the side of whichever major party is in a position to try to form a Government?

Has the worm turned for Peter the Puppy and will he return to Parliament with only one offsider to pursue his sycophantic obedience to whatever party is in power?

Will the Ga-Ga Greens get the chance to form a coalition with Labour and strive to drag the new government so far to the left that it will fall off the edge of the world? They should be very, very afraid because many of their beliefs would do justice to flat-earthers.

In the light of their antediluvian policies I wonder how any sane New Zealander could give the Greens a moment's thought, let alone a vote.

Will Dover the Hat get caught short by Hone Son of Harridan in Te Tai Tokerau; and will the Sharples the Sinister cast an intellectual atahu over the electors of Tamaki Makaurau and reduce Tamihere the Terrible to dependence on aroha?

Will Roaring Rodney find out that his pursuit of the Epsom seat in an Act designed to save his party will turn out to be Worthless?

Will the mangy skunk who is leaking National Party emails to the Labour Party be caught before the election and given his just deserts - garrotting comes to mind - or will he continue to try to undermine Do-or-Die Don from whatever sewer he inhabits?

Ignoring the question of what sort of scum would do such a thing, I am intrigued by the fuss over the email to Bean-counter Brash from Business Roundtable mandarin Roger the Righteous.

It occurs to me that Haughty Helen must over the years have received scores if not hundreds of emails from union bosses, societal revisionists, homosexual lobbyists, "family planning" functionaries, abortion "rights" activists, prostitutes' advocates and arcane academics, not just as leader of the Opposition but as Prime Minister.

Surely in a democracy - if that is what we still have in New Zealand - anyone with an axe to grind has access to politicians of every colour and rank, be it by email or snail mail, to ask them to push his or her particular barrow along the corridors of power.

Righteous Roger was simply doing his job as a lobbyist, which is what Big Business pays him for.

And while we're on that subject, I wonder if Mood of the Boardroom, which appeared in the Herald on Tuesday (link below), is to be followed by "Mood of the Bedroom" to canvass the views of top performers on such seminal matters as civil unions, gay marriage, prostitution reform, abortion and sex education in schools. Now that would be enlightening, eh?

I didn't bother to read Mood of the Boardroom since all its contributors were talking through their pockets and what they have to say about political philosophy is but of passing interest to those of us who are on the receiving end of their low wages and bottom-line money-grubbing.

But a couple of sentences did catch my eye under the sub-heading "What are the missing ingredients?"

They read: "Business leaders say [that] if New Zealand is to score long-term success, there must be: 'Much less of the employee, nanny state, OSH, ACC, welfare, she'll-be-right culture and a lot more of the culture of grand achievements and striving. Work-life balance - give me a break'! (Consulting firm principal/director)."

Translation: no thought should be given to the remuneration and welfare of employees; the Government should not provide assistance to the poor, sick and disadvantaged; the safety of workers should not have to be considered in the workplace; employers should not be responsible for providing accident compensation insurance; everyone should work as hard and as many hours as the piteous, deluded twit who came up with this nonsense; and a healthy balance between work and life outside work is incomprehensible to him or her.

Which means that whoever spouted that demented diatribe has been born long after his or her time. He or she would have made it big back in the days of the Industrial Revolution.

Just as well that he or she remains anonymous and will thus avoid being held in public odium and contempt, if not invited to commit Ruthanasia.

As for me, I shall sit back and watch this highly entertaining soap opera called The Election Campaign with a detached amusement made possible by not giving a hoot about who wins access to the levers of power on September 17 (or, probably, some time later).

And when the day of denouement comes I shall probably abstain.