Diane Robertson: ...and the greatest of these is charity

Christmas is a time of rituals for many families. Our family starts December with the purchase of an advent calendar, then in mid-December the annual Christmas tree hunt begins.

Not content with buying a tree, we travel far to find the perfect specimen. Selected by my husband Wilf, the tree is traditionally at least 60cm taller than can possibly fit into the lounge.

Decorating the tree as a family we listen to Christmas carols and debate whose turn it is to place the star on the top. This debate invariably turns into a heated argument which we resolve by agreeing to write down who put the star on top this year and whose turn it will be next. But we never write anything down, allowing us to go through the same ritual year after year.

Christmas lists are written, with secret meetings between family members, ingenious hiding places found for presents and late-night wrapping sessions. During past times of financial hardship we have spent many surreptitious hours in the lead-up to Christmas scraping and painting second-hand bikes, stayed up late at nights revitalising pre-loved toys and making new ones.

On Christmas Eve we attend Carols by Candlelight and the Christmas Eve service and when we get home we open a single present to celebrate the beginning of Christmas Day.

Christmas dinner is roast lamb shared with our extended family, crackers and more presents; then a long siesta before the evening meal.

Over the years of celebrating Christmas, our children have developed a strong sense of family and community. The rituals of Christmas, the love of family and friends, have given them a sense of security and a positive world view.

How different it is for the many children who come with their parents to the City Mission to collect food parcels. Their Christmas stories are of families with no money to buy advent calendars, Christmas trees or decorations. Few experience the telling of the Christmas stories or the singing of carols.

Sadly many children in Auckland have no expectation of Christmas dinner or family celebration.

The stories of families coming to the City Mission at Christmas are stories of despair. Parents in tears talk of no money for day-to-day necessities, let alone presents; of knowing that once again this Christmas their children will be disappointed.

Mothers talk of having no food or furniture after leaving violent homes to protect their children, of being too sick to keep up the part-time job, of having to choose between fixing the washing machine or buying food.

Children talk of their hopes and wishes for Christmas: that Mum will be happy and won't cry this Christmas, to have a Christmas tree, to be able to buy a small present for a younger brother or sister. They tell stories of violence and abuse, the result of the frustration and hopelessness that families experience at this time of year.

For these families, Christmas is not about celebrating, it is a time when their failure to provide for their children is highlighted by radio and television programmes, by advertisements and shopping mall displays.

These families do not actively choose to live in poverty and deprive their children. Mothers do not decide to be ill; most do not choose to be unemployed.

Children from these families do not choose to be born into impoverished circumstances, to be marginalised, to miss out on educational and social opportunities that ensure they will be unable to participate in a responsible way.

Families seeking help from the Auckland City Mission are ashamed and embarrassed to be asking for charity. They are trapped in the cycle of poverty: financially poor, socially deprived and often spiritually poor. They want the best for their children but it is an impossible task to provide it.

Thousands of families, overwhelmed by hopelessness and despair, cannot celebrate the joy of Christmas.

The Auckland City Mission distributes more than 20,000 Christmas presents to families and community organisations throughout the Auckland region, with 800 Christmas hampers going out to families so they can enjoy a Christmas dinner.

On Christmas Day here at the mission 1200 people will share Christmas dinner and every guest will receive a present from Father Christmas. But, more importantly, we will share a sense of community. Families and people who are socially isolated will be part of a large family celebration.

Watching the children's faces as they open a present, talking with elderly people experiencing their first companionable Christmas in years, seeing the pleasure homeless people take in a good meal - these are the real gifts of Christmas.

Christmas is a time for family and friends, for giving and receiving, for celebrating. It is a special time for children.

Let those of us privileged to enjoy bountiful Christmases share some of what we have with those families, and especially the children, less fortunate than our own. That is truly the Christmas spirit.

* Diane Robertson is Auckland City Missioner.