Gullible fools, all of us.
Anyone who was thrilled by the survival story of Robert Hewitt; all those media organisations from Newsweek to the Guardian who loved his endurance of three days lost at sea, all the politicians who offered congratulations to the former Navy diver and his overwhelmed family; we've all shown ourselves up as misty-eyed nancies who can't tell when we're being taken for a ride.
Thank God the good people at Truth Radio weren't sucked in.
Ex-politician John Banks, once a police minister and mayor of Auckland, now hosts a talkback programme on Radio Pacific on weekday mornings. It's the standard talkback format; the host opines on matters contentious, and people who agree with his views ring up to congratulate him.
Banks employs the controversiality template for talkback hosts discussing current affairs; sniff the prevailing wind and go the other way.
Last Thursday morning, his topic was "what we are loosely calling the survival hoax".
More specifically, Banks wanted everyone to know that he was way too smart to fall for the story of rescue that has captivated the world.
"There are a lot of Maoris in the Navy," Banks said, just before 7am. "You'll never find a better Maori than the one that's in the military uniform. These blokes must be able to swim at least 400m. They've got to be able to swim with tanks, boots, respirators, and gear, 400m. Mr Hewitt was only 200m off Mana when he, quote, went missing, or found himself missing, or decided to go missing, or just missing," Banks said. "Why didn't he swim to Mana?"
Annie from Waiheke Island rang in with her version. "Your brother's Norm Hewitt, he's got all the publicity over the past year, he's been on television, he's been dancing ... what better way to upstage him?" Annie asked. "Go missing, and then miraculously appear again. There you are bro, I rest my case," she said, drawing out the vowel in "bro" for emphasis.
As Banks put it, Hewitt's story was so incredible he must have "faked his own missing. I maintain a healthy scepticism. I am just not sucked in that easy. I'm glad Mr Hewitt's alive now, having a lovely breakfast wherever he is," the host said, "but we're not going to buy that.
"Government TV may be sucked in; state radio may have swallowed the dead rat; the two tabloids, the Dominion and the Herald, have been sucked in. We here at Truth Radio believe it was a beat-up from the start."
Great way to wake up, isn't it, Breakfast with Banksie, as the show is so chummily named?
Thank goodness we've got a host who is free to tell us the Truth, someone to see through all the sentimentality of the so-called happy stories, to prove that there isn't anything to feel glad about after all, no matter how credulous the bureaucrats working for the Pravda commentariat may be.
The Hewitt yarn was such an uplifting story - so touching, so sweet, so drenched in familial love and romance and the loyalty of friends who wouldn't give up the search, even when the officials had abandoned hope, even when brother Norm, the battler, the hard man, was expecting a corpse - it had to be a load of rubbish, according to Truth Radio.
The reality is Robert Hewitt's story was a ripsnorting adventure with the happiest of endings, and that is why it has flashed around the world.
More than just a nice story, the 38-year-old's experience is so appealing because it is evidence - despite what they say at Truth Radio - of the endurance of which a human being is capable, and the importance of never giving up hope.
What an eloquent contrast there was between the words of Annie from Waiheke and Robert from the ocean, even though Robert's words were slightly muffled by the Hollywood dimensions of his swollen, sunburnt lips.
He spoke of how he sustained himself through the loneliness by thinking about the goodness of life.
"I said a little prayer to God and thanked him for the day, then asked him to look after me during the night, and I felt a real warm air come through, so I knew someone was there," Hewitt said after his rescue.
"Love you, Rang!" he had shouted across the emptiness to his partner, Rangi, even though she could not hear.
"I love you Kiriana, Meripi, Casey!" he called to his children. "Love you Norm!" he shouted to his brother.
Robert Hewitt survived by clinging to hope, to the idea of a miracle.
The Truth Radio crowd clearly take pride in adhering firmly to the darkest interpretations of human nature, the worst parts of life, even when evidence to the contrary is so apparent.
I wonder how long those thoughts would keep you alive?
<EM>Claire Harvey:</EM> Deniers are blind to the power of hope
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