Chris Brady: Tie tradition is a pain in the neck

The Herald's survey suggesting that most people agree it is not necessary to wear a tie in the office is not surprising. Ties are without a doubt the silliest piece of fashion invented and that they have lasted so long is a surprise in itself.

Why any self-respecting male would want to flaunt so openly the most obvious of phallic symbols is beyond my understanding.

My own experience of wearing the wretched things is limited. Fortunately I have not worked in an office but have been gainfully employed for the past 25 years opening the minds of our young people to the meaning of life.

That is to say, I am a history teacher and at no stage have I seen the need to strangle myself in the classroom. I have enough to cope with, let alone adding the problem of breathing.

I have also been lucky to have worked at schools that valued what I could do as a teacher, not what I could do as a fashion model.

For 20 years I taught on Waiheke Island, where I happily trotted off to work in shorts, sandals and T-shirt.

I suppose this would horrify traditionalists - and some of my history colleagues - but I could never see the point of wearing a colonial relic that even the British themselves did not invent.

Although some sort of cloth around the neck has been around for thousands of years - the Romans had some - it is Charles II whom we can blame for bringing the things to Britain. Let's jolly the place up a bit, he thought, after Cromwell's killjoy interregnum, and the tie, or cravat, made its appearance.

It's a bit ironic, really, Charles II introducing what is seen today as a sign of propriety and good manners, when his own shenanigans would cause outrage among today's standard bearers of morality.

Wearing a tie didn't seem to limit the number of women he bedded, but maybe that's why some men still cling to the notion that if they wear a tie they'll impress the ladies.

As for myself, I've never needed a tie for such purposes. My wife says I'm lovely as I am, although I have to confess I did sell out and wear one to my wedding. The last time I suffered the rigours of throat choke was when I went teaching on my OE at the ripe old age of 49.

I was employed at a secondary school in London and had been informed that I would be expected to wear a tie. So I turned up for work on day one, not in my Waiheke uniform but resplendent in longs, long-sleeved shirt and a tie. By chance I happened to start my British teaching career in the hottest English autumn you could possibly imagine and I was unbelievably uncomfortable.

All the other male teachers wore ties and suits and I just thought, "How very odd, don't they know it's ragingly hot?"

After five weeks I just stopped wearing the accursed noose and waited for the principal to come and tell me off. For some reason he never did and I spent the next three years as the only neck-showing male teacher. I could never understand why the others didn't do the same.

The next step was to try wearing shorts to work, but the principal drew the line at that. Clearly he felt that the boys and girls could handle an antipodean neck but the sight of Kiwi calves might just be too much.

I didn't mind overly. I'd rather breathe easily than expose my knees to an ungrateful audience.

Maybe I just have no idea of what's sartorially appropriate. Maybe it's time I grew up and went out to buy an entire new wardrobe - suits, ties, proper shoes, the lot.

But hang on a second, every time I see George Bush, Tony Blair and John Howard on telly, they're wearing suits and ties. Maybe I won't.

* Chris Brady is a history teacher.