Waihoroi Shortland.
Here is a round-up of just some of the highlights from 2022′s My Story column - with a focus on resilience, life lessons learned and what it is to be human. As told to Elisabeth Easther.
Actor, journalist, social worker, reo advocate
When I went to St Stephen’s College in 1965, I caught the railcar to Auckland from a whistlestop station called Opahī. I can still see my father’s gangie [railway workers] mates, standing beside their jiggers on the railway line as they took up a collection. Those men reached into their pockets, some pulled out a ten bob note, others two half crowns and by the end of their whip-round they put five pounds into my pocket. That was the biggest sum of money I’d ever seen and it bought them a lifetime subscription to me. Their generosity instilled in me an ethic of community service, because they didn’t get the opportunity I was being given. Although gone, those people still influence my life today.
Doctor & reproductive rights advocate
The arrival of the pill in 1961 was significant and I was one of the very first women in New Zealand to use it. I’d just had my second child, I was healthy, I’d already had one abortion using George Bettel’s Elixir – goodness knows what was in it - and I didn’t want more children. I was also married, which was the most important box to tick, to be allowed to use it. Although I didn’t actually see a doctor because my husband was training to be a GP, and he brought home free samples of Anovlar that the drug rep. left at the surgery. To be in control of my fertility was life-changing.
Theatre director, Nightsong
My father has withdrawn from the world because he has dementia, but we still see flashes of his former self where he sings little ditties or makes jokes and it’s lovely to see him being that charming charismatic slightly naughty person he used to be. I remember sitting with him on the balcony in the Marlborough Sounds, trying to do one of those living wills with him, asking questions about burial or cremation while he could still answer. One question was about regrets and he said, ‘I can tell you, I’m sitting here, looking out to sea, with my dog by my side and I don’t have a care in the world.’ I took him back a few more times before mum sold, and he’d say, ‘what a great place this is. I could live here.’ There was no point explaining how he found that land with the astonishing views, or how he built the house. There is so much history that doesn’t exist for him anymore, but the fact he could sit there and enjoy it was both sad and beautiful.
Novelist
I don’t believe what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, because what doesn’t kill you can really run you down. Sometimes stink things happen, but it’s your perspective that matters. I think life just happens, so you have to get up and keep moving, no matter what.
Former director general of health
Suggesting we put the country into lockdown felt completely surreal and still does. But even though there is a lot of pressure in the system now, it’s clear we made the right decisions at the right time. Not only did we protect New Zealanders and our Pacific neighbours, we also protected our healthcare workers and the health system. But early on, there were nights when I’d wake at 3am in a cold sweat as there was so much at stake. Those big calls, like closing the border were not taken lightly, but they helped to protect our most vulnerable and buy us time, so by the time the Omicron outbreak arrived, we had high vaccination rates, treatment options and strong infection prevention protocols in place. That period of time is still so vivid.
Conservation biologist
A lot of academics feel pressure to know everything, but no one needs to know everything and learning that has made me a much better scientist. In fact not knowing something is really exciting, because that’s what research is all about. Then we get to figure out what questions to ask, and from there we design experiments to get the answers. When I switched from preparing for exams and memorising things to being curious, that’s when science really came alive for me.
Documentary filmmaker
So much of life is a big mess. No one knows why we’re here, although some people pretend they do. No one knows what happens when we die or what’s going to happen tomorrow. So the important thing is, don’t be an idiot, then get on with the spontaneous and unpredictable nature of living.
Environmental Defence Society
Since 2013, when we first started that fraught process of developing the Sea Change Marine Spatial Plan for the Hauraki Gulf, that marine space has deteriorated even further. Today, just 0.3 per cent of the Gulf is fully protected, and even if 10 per cent ends up being protected, there’s still 90% open for fishing. Yet some people are outraged that they won’t be able to fish 99 per cent of those waters. But support for protection is growing, because everyone can see the Gulf is going downhill. We are getting to the point where parts may already be irreversibly damaged, which is why we absolutely have to get on with it, because if we sit on our hands and watch the place die, everyone suffers.
Drag artist, dancer, choreographer
The difference between a drag queen and boy in a wig is confidence. I recently heard the term ‘pussy stunting’. It means walking down the street and not caring what anyone thinks. It’s attitude. There’s an air about you. You’re in six-inch heels, your hair is touching the ceiling, you’re wearing sequins, you’ve got the nails. Everything is going on and you don’t care what people think, because you know you look fabulous.
Green MP
People use the word freedom so flippantly these days, but my parents sacrificed a lot for our freedom and their courage shaped me into the woman I am today. Now, in politics, when we raise important issues, and people thank us for being brave enough to talk about things that aren’t popular, I think back to where I come from. Here I might be criticised for speaking out, but nothing can happen to me here, not compared to what goes on in places like my home country of Iran.
Zero waste and circular economy advocate
I became more aware of environmental and social degradation when I was at music school in Wellington. This led to a small crisis, as I worried that jazz drumming was self-indulgent, because it didn’t do anything to help the world. At the end of my first year I went to Student Support to discuss transferring to horticulture, but they helped me see that, although music isn’t practical like science is, it is important for humanity, because music has the power to connect us, and it can help people appreciate beauty.
Chief executive, Women’s Refuge
When family violence happens, we work hard to ensure the response is healthy. A lot is happening around primary prevention. Stopping it before it happens. But if we’re serious about putting an end to this absolutely bloody scourge, I’d want more effort put into the children. To talk with them about empathy and compassion. How to be in a relationship that is kind and caring because it’s almost impossible to hurt somebody you feel empathy for.
Developmental paediatrician
I’m an Anglican and I have a deep Christian faith. I know suffering is part of the human condition, but as human beings we can also help alleviate suffering by caring, being present and living generously. The reason I don’t collapse into a heap at the end of every day is because I look for and see instances where the human spirit is working to overcome suffering and I hold on to that.
Executive chef, Esther, Q Hotel
When people ask me about the key to success, I say, watch the people above you, then try to be as good as them, if not better. Even if you haven’t got the experience or skills, put your hand up regardless and try to do it. I’ve always talked my way into things, then worked like a trooper, because 99 per cent of success is turning up every day. No excuses. Just turn up and get stuck in.
DJ and music producer
I did my time pinging off my tits. I was quite famous for leaving no stone unturned when it came to a hedonistic lifestyle, but eventually it got too much. My health and my life suffered, including my ability to be a good father and husband. When it came to a point where I had to stop, I got sober. That was nearly 14 years ago. But it’s not like I want to be the poster boy for sobriety. Or be holier than thou. It was just something I had to do for myself. For my own self-preservation. So I went to rehab, but it was more like bootcamp. It wasn’t one of those posh places. It was filthy dirty with a load of skank heads and they taught me that I’d have to go without alcohol and drugs for the rest of my life. That’s what they told me. That I could never do it again and I believed them so I haven’t.
Environmental champion
I was diagnosed with prostate cancer many years ago. I kept it at bay for a long time, but it’s caught up with me, and I’m now in palliative care. For many years, I went hard out all the time. I neglected parts of my life that should’ve been more important, but I know now, the key thing is to live simply. To make time for your passions and work, but also for family and friends and reflection. I’m less absorbed with trying to change the world now, but I don’t regret the life I’ve had and I’ve never been more content. My wife and I have a little unit with a garage out the back for my studio. I’ve got everything I need, nothing more. I’ll draw this afternoon. I’ll write and reflect. Life is good. I’ve made my peace.
*Warren Snow died three months after his story was published
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