Election 2023: Steve Braunias - final debate reveals some true colours of Chris Hipkins and Christopher Luxon

OPINION:

There was blood on the floor, hair on the walls and unmentionable odours at the third and final leaders’ debate at the TVNZ studios tonight. It was good fun, it had an edge. Sometimes it had meaning and sometimes it offered hope. Two days out from voting day, it revealed some of the true colours of the two men vying to shape the next three years of governance in New Zealand.

In the second debate, on Newshub, Labour’s Chris Hipkins wiped the floor with National’s Christopher Luxon; what little was left got mopped up by host Paddy Gower, who laughed in Luxon’s face. Hipkins is quite simply much better at debating. He was better than Luxon tonight, too, though not by a lot, mainly because he failed to counter host Jess Mutch McKay’s charge that Labour has squandered its last six years in charge.

“If Chris Luxon wins,” he told the nation, “you lose.” Actually, if Luxon wins, the first loser is Hipkins. “I need you to calm down,” squealed Luxon, one, two, three, four, five times, but it was a pathetic rejoinder. It’s a leaders’ debate. Stay calm somewhere else. The thing about Luxon is that for all his he-man talk about coming from “real-world business”, he comes across as a weakling. The mere mention of Winston made him sag in his suit.

“Your moral compass is gone,” hooted Hipkins. Luxon simpered in reply: “I feel you’re being disrespectful.” He needs to grow a pair. Hipkins made a show of his sudden campaign surge of testosterone by goading Luxon that at least none of his MPs had beaten someone “with a bed leg”. The reference to the wretched Sam Uffindell was the debate’s exciting moment of blood on the floor and hair on the walls; the odours were raised by Mutch McKay, who asked about sinkholes and human waste. It was a little off-topic.

Hipkins got six laughs from the studio audience, Mutch McKay got four, Luxon got three - one of them came from me in the second row, when he claimed he spent $60 per week on groceries. Haw! Does he live on milk, bread, and luncheon sausage? Each leader shared the same amount of sudden applause, and here credit should be given to John Campbell, who acted as the warm-up man before the debate. Please, he implored, make some noise. Noise was duly made. This man has a future in broadcasting.

Hipkins, the superior politician; Luxon, the symbol of opportunity, progress, movement. We saw their polished selves and parts of their real selves at the debate. The past - six years of whatever - caught up with Hipkins. He was always a pretender to the throne. The future - a weakling in charge, unable to answer questions - most likely belongs to Luxon, and that eternal force, the ghost who walks, Winston.