Bill English with Dr Rob Ojala on the roof of the Christchurch Hospital. Photo / Claire Trevett
Bill English with Dr Rob Ojala on the roof of the Christchurch Hospital. Photo / Claire Trevett
Killing poor old Bob was not the most propitious start to the day for poor old Bill English.
This act most foul happened when English was given the job of testing a safety harness with a crash test dummy called Bob. It was at Holmes, an engineering firm in Christchurch that develops and tests materials for earthquake safety, road safety and worker safety.
Bob hung in the air on the side of a wall with a safety harness on. English pulled the release cord and Bob went crashing to the ground.
"That's a failed test," the supervisor announced, rather unnecessarily.
Teased about Bob's fate, English quipped "I just imagined it was a journalist."
Leaders are careful with the photo ops these days. In English's case the media were not told of visits to meat works in Horotiu or a chicken factory. Dead meat is too easy a headline.
Bill English takes a selfie with architect Darryl Haines on the roof Christchurch Hospital. Photo / Claire Trevett
But the ever vigilant National Party planners let Bob slip through the net, as well as footage of English watching a video of cars crashing as part of the company's testing of median barriers.
Undaunted, English next went to the construction site of Christchurch Hospital Acute Services building.
There he came across an original artwork - by well known New Zealand artist Bill English.
It featured a bee and the words Bee English.
"It took me days," English said. "It's a one off. Did someone get it from a rubbish bin?"
He was told it was bought at a fundraiser by the Mad Butcher who had donated it.
Then came a climb up a trillion flights of stairs to inspect the helipad on the roof at the very top with an occasional pause to speak to a worker or read the graffiti: "big hairy balls" and "spaghetti."
Once there he ribbed his health spokesman, Jonathan Coleman: "Did you manage to get up here alright? Have you just got here?"
The closest English came to a perilous situation himself was at a shopping mall in Colombo Street and some animal welfare activists decided to photobomb English's speech.
Animal rights protestors as Bill English gives a speech at the Colombo St Mall in Christchurch. Photo / Claire Trevett
They carried placards with sows in crates and chickens in cages. "If they won't help her," the sow crate poster said, "will they help you?"
One man with a battery hen placard made it all the way to English before coming up against an unassailable force - not English's police protection squad but his MP Nicky Wagner.
Wagner treated the protester like a querulous toddler - grabbing him under the arms and hauling him to one side where the protection officer took over.
If things don't go well for National, the protection squad would be able to find a job for Wagner. As for English, Holmes is on the lookout for a new crash test dummy.
