Entertainer Pua Magasiva died on May 11, with details of his violence being finally revealed seven months later. File photo / Jason Dorday
Entertainer Pua Magasiva died on May 11, with details of his violence being finally revealed seven months later. File photo / Jason Dorday
EDITORIAL
First of all, one must feel for all those impacted by the plunge from grace of a widely acclaimed and admired actor and broadcaster. Pua Magasiva could be, by all accounts, a good person: father, friend, colleague, family member; and yes, at times, husband.
Revelations over past daysof Magasiva's violent and abusive behaviour prior to his death will have shaken many grieving people even more. It will have been especially harrowing for those close to him, especially his widow Lizz, who had to fight in court for her story to be heard.
She has now revealed her husband "refused to acknowledge his history of domestic violence in case it ruined his career". With the details of his actions against someone who loved and trusted him, Magasiva has been stripped of the charming veneer he presented to the wider public and we can now see him as the tortured and, at times, tortuous person to be with.
Lizz Magasiva is telling her story of her marriage which was dominated by severe domestic abuse. Photo / Mike Scott
It is often inexplicable how an admired and popular personality can be such a dark force in the lives of those close to them. Magasiva's case is even more so incomprehensible as he knew what he was doing was wrong, and knew he needed to change. He participated in anti-violence publicity campaigns and recited the advice he failed to take for himself.
Magasiva died, aged 38, after choosing not to reach for the assistance he so evidently needed. We invest millions of dollars each year to provide and publicise the means for people to find a path out of destructive and harmful behaviour. It is there, and it works, lighting a way from the oppressive spiral of anger, brutality, denial, self-loathing and condemnation.
It does not dishonour Magasiva's memory to tell the truth about his actions. It would be a dishonour to those he hurt for us not to grasp the opportunity it provides to own up to all that is rotten in the relationships around us.
As many of us take time to enjoy Christmas with family and friends, it's sobering indeed to realise too many around us - perhaps someone with us at the table - could be enduring abuse from someone close to them. This "festive" time of the year is, crushingly, the worst for incidents of family violence.
We know this insidious and cowardly trait is entrenched in our communities and it cravenly manipulates victims into becoming co-conspirators to avoid discovery. Lizz's moving account of how Magasiva drew her into covering for his cruelty is textbook emotional coercion. Sometimes, we need to remove the scales from our eyes that deceive us into seeing only the best in others.
It's time.
To those who are lashing out in this way, if even only rarely, it's time to seek help to become better than this.
To those who suspect an associate or family member has an unhealthy attitude to their relationships, now is the time to intervene, to speak up.
To those suffering from abuse - be it veiled threats, emotional pressure or direct assault - it's time to reach out and make the call to 0508 744 633.
Domestic violence: Do you need help?
If you're in danger now:
• Phone for police on 111 or ask neighbours or friends to ring for you. • Run outside to where there are other people. • Scream for help so that your neighbours can hear you. • Take the children with you. • Don't stop to get anything else. • If you are being abused, remember it's not your fault. Violence is never okay.
• Shine, free national helpline 9am-11pm every day - 0508 744 633; www.2shine.org.nz • Women's Refuge: Free national crisis line operates 24/7 - 0800 refuge or 0800 733 843; www.womensrefuge.org.nz • Shakti: Providing specialist cultural services for African, Asian and middle eastern women and their children. Crisis line 24/7 0800 742 584 • It's Not Ok: Information line 0800 456 450; www.areyouok.org.nz
