That time Scott Morrison and Jacinda Ardern went to Queenstown. Photo / Derek Cheng
That time Scott Morrison and Jacinda Ardern went to Queenstown. Photo / Derek Cheng
EDITORIAL
It's been the subject of heightened expectations for months, the long-anticipated reunion of firm friends - reminiscing on all their past dramas and triumphs played out before an adoring audience.
In this case, we're talking a couple of players from Five Eyes, not Monica and Chandler, Ross and Rachel,and Joey... and, ah yes, the one who sang about the smelly cat.
This week, we had Australian Prime Minister Scott Morrison over to "our place" to catch up and renew commitments to the Five Eyes intelligence alliance. Both Morrison and our Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern, however, denied any pressing need to patch up differences, Morrison says the meeting was "an annual leaders' dialogue".
The events of the formal talks then played out like a classic comedy show plotline - the one where everyone knows we're talking about someone but no one wants to mention their name. Hilarity ensues when the main players go to extraordinary lengths not to let the word slip.
"I really appreciate the direct personal relationship and dialogue we've had," Morrison intoned. That will only continue because we have common challenges. There are... common threats." Cue, canned laughter.
Clarke Gayford, left, chats with Australia Prime Minister Scott Morrison and Jacinda Ardern in Queenstown. Photo / George Heard
Ardern took it even further by not talking about the someone at all. "Your grandfather hailing from Ashburton, my great-grandfather from Sydney, Clarke's grandmother from Perth - when we talk about Australia and New Zealand being family, being whanau, we actually mean it quite literally as much as we mean it symbolically." Titters from the studio audience.
"The expectation of our people to maintain their safety but also for economic reasons to reopen to the world is a challenge we both face.
"And there's no other leader in the world I can have that conversation with ... we value so much our ability to work through... those problems together." Rapturous laughter as Ardern went so close by referring to "those problems".
Like any long-running series, it's funnier because we know the backdrop to these scenes. New Zealand has been flamed for failing to join our four friends in cold-shouldering China and a laughable 60 Minutes Australia report decrying New Zealand for toadying up to our common enemy.
Such is the nature of diplomacy, words are selected carefully, or not said at all.
This visit, the PMs released a 51-point joint statement, which included an easier pathway to Australian citizenship for Kiwis living across the Tasman - but the smelly cat in the room remains the deportation of "Australian criminals" to New Zealand.
Morrison claimed the policy wasn't aimed at New Zealand, as citizens of other countries were equally eligible for deportation if they broke Australian laws. But this doesn't bear out in the numbers which speak more than diplomatic talk.
Australian Prime Minister Scott Morrison and New Zealand Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern back in the good old days of February 2019. Photo / Hannah Peters, Getty Images
As of March 31 this year, there were 1483 people in Australian immigration detention facilities. Of these, 12.4 per cent were from New Zealand, more than any other country, including Five Eyes' arch enemies.
Like the actors from the wildly popular TV show, we are bound to be friends for life. But, despite this week's staged-for-photo hongi and sports jumper trading, the friendship appears as strained as it has ever been.
