Dylan Cleaver: Celtic culture clash

Singer Tom Jones. Photo / Supplied

Historically, Wales has had the edge over Ireland when the two have met on the rugby field, but how have they fared in the great Celtic popular culture clashes?

After feeling the full force of persecution and occupation for 1000 years, the Irish have managed perhaps the greatest outpouring of popular culture and pop culture figureheads per head of any country. Meanwhile, the Welsh have concentrated on quality of cultural production, not quantity. And leeks.

ROCK/POP

Ireland: U2, Thin Lizzy, Van Morrison, Westlife, The Corrs

Wales: Manic Street Preachers, Stereophonics, Tom Jones, Dame Shirley Bassey, Shakin' Stevens

Winner: Wales. The Irish might have sold more records but a country that produces the Corrs, boybands and the Cranberries is automatically disqualified.

ACTORS

Ireland: Kenneth Branagh, Daniel Day-Lewis, Brenda Fricker, Richard Harris, Peter O'Toole

Wales: Richard Burton, Sir Anthony Hopkins, Rhys Ifans, John Rhys-Davies, Catherine Zeta-Jones

Winner: Although Ireland has the quantity this comes down to a heavyweight slugfest between the great rogues Richard Burton and Peter O'Toole. Too close to call.

FILMS

Ireland: The Boxer, Bloody Sunday, The Guard, Waking Ned Devine, In the Name of the Father

Wales: How Green Was My Valley, Under Milk Wood, The Englishman Who Went Up a Hill But Came Down a Mountain, Human Traffic, The Baker

Winner: Ireland - not even close. Wales' best film is John Ford's classic How Green Was My Valley and even that was criticised for having Irish accents all the way through it.

SPORTS STARS (except rugby):

Ireland: George Best (soccer), Alex "Hurricane" Higgins (snooker), Roy Keane (soccer), Rory McIlroy (golf), Stephen Roche (cycling)

Wales: Joe Calzaghe (boxing), Ryan Giggs (soccer), Ian Woosnam (golf), Ray Reardon (snooker), John Toshack (soccer)

Winner: Ireland, again, though Best and Higgins probably earned as many headlines for their lifestyles as they did their sporting prowess.

WRITERS

Ireland: Brendan Behan, Samuel Beckett, Roddy Doyle, James Joyce, George Bernard Shaw

Wales: Martin Amis, Ken Follett, C.S. Lewis, Bertrand Russell, Dylan Thomas

Winner: Dead heat. Ireland has more noted authors (even C.S. Lewis was a Welshman born in Belfast), but they fall between offensively obtuse and numbingly easy reading.

For example, if you divide the amount of people who say they've read Joyce's Ulysses by 50, you'll get a far more accurate number of people who have actually got through it.

DRINK

Ireland: Guinness

Wales: Brains

Winner: Ireland, by virtue of Guinness being both delicious and a wildly successful global brand. Brains is surprisingly good, if oxymoronic. Ireland close to being disqualified for foisting the undrinkable Kilkenny on to the world.

VEGETABLE

Ireland: Potato

Wales: Leek

Winner: Leeks might be a winner in leek and potato soup on a cold night in the valleys, but ask yourself this: when have you ever ordered a leek butty? When have you ever dipped a thinly sliced, crispy leek into a bowl of reduced cream mixed with Maggi Onion Soup? Mashed leeks? I don't think so. Have you ever yearned for a baked leek filled with grated cheese and sour cream?