Dominic George: Some old dogs can be taught new tricks

Rachel Joblin.

They reckon you can't teach old dogs new tricks, and they're probably right. I would have to take their word for it, though, as I've never had a dog.

We didn't have one growing up. In fact, we didn't have any pets growing up. My kindergarten teacher stuck a couple of eyes on a rock and gave it to me on pet day so I didn't feel left out. I still did, but I survived nonetheless and didn't really care too much about the non-dog situation.

That could have been rectified, however, a few years ago when my wife decided to buy a dog. She's a farm girl and was surrounded by animals growing up, so I thought it would be good for her and the brawling trio of males I've sired to have the companion of a dog.

However, instead of some noble and obedient creature to play fetch with, she ill-advisedly bought one of those stupid handbag dogs. It's a total embarrassment. It's an abomination of a canine that's so small it fits through the cat door, doesn't go for walks and occasionally barks in a high-pitched and annoying manner.

She does get used as a football occasionally, which always provides a few laughs, but other than that she's totally useless. It may have had something to do with the fact she fell off the deck when she was a few weeks old and started frothing at the mouth; but I'm just guessing there.

So anyway, old dogs and new tricks. The reason I'm going down this road is because I had the chance to interview Tararua farm consultant Rachel Joblin a few weeks ago.

She's helping teach computer skills to farmers with the help of Beef + Lamb NZ, after being approached by local farmers who had no basic skills in the area. As a technophobe, I know how they feel. Like them, necessity dictates some basic knowledge simply to survive in the workforce. But it took me a while -- I was still handing in handwritten essays at university as late as 1999.

Even now I still haven't grasped computers per se; I've merely acquired enough knowledge of the system I need to use to get by.

So kudos to those asking for help, kudos to Joblin for helping them and kudos to Beef + Lamb NZ for facilitating the process.

I hope these old dogs are malleable enough to be taught a few new tricks.

Joblin reckons they are.

However, if they're struggling, they could always take a leaf out of PETA's (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) book. Wait! Don't stop reading! What I mean is, the animal-rights group has taken the art of learning and deploying new tricks to another level entirely.

The activists filed a lawsuit in the US a few weeks ago, arguing a monkey who stole a camera and took a "selfie" about four years ago should be the legal owner of the photograph! Not only that, the group also argues the monkey should receive damages for copyright infringement after the image was used in a wildlife book!

The militant absurdity of this group clearly knows no bounds, but in this day and age would you entirely bet against them getting a result?

I reckon that would be almost as certain as picking what rugby supporter's kit Jamie Mackay was going to wear -- the All Blacks or Southland Stags jersey. Now there's an old dog you can't teach new tricks! Unless it's Twitter; the man has taken to that like a duck to water. He tried to beat me to the punch by being the first to tweet the GDT result.

That was never going to happen, despite his overwhelming time advantage (3pm London time, 3am NZ time!) Either way, we both beat Fonterra in announcing their result to the world.

That aside, there is one old dog that you hope would be able to learn a new trick or two; the red-meat industry. Silver Fern Farms has taken the plunge and jumped into bed with a sugar daddy after being somewhat backed into a corner. Who knows what the long-term situation holds but, as chairman Rob Hewett says, "it's a game-changer".

I think he's right; whether the game turns in New Zealand's favour or not remains to be seen, but we'll soon find out if we have kicked a last-minute winner or ended up on the receiving end of an officiating howler.