Dominic George: Never a dull moment here in Godzone

The scramble to replace David Cunliffe as Labour leader has reached new lows in recent weeks. Photo / File

Leadership battles, terror alert, woeful Wallabies, we’ve had them all

Farming Show host Jamie Mackay returns to New Zealand early next week after leading a farming and footy tour to South Africa, a trip I've dubbed his Three Month Tour of the Republic, based on the inordinate amount of time he's been away. And there's plenty that's happened in his absence.

On the farming front, we've seen beef prices continue to rise, dairy prices continue to fall, MPI take a caning over Yersinia pseudo tuberculosis and the wool levy vote get rejected.

Politically, we've seen the Labour leadership race go from dumb to dumber and our terror alert bumped up a bit with the Government laying the PR groundwork to send military assistance to help quell Isis.

On the sporting front, the ITM cup has dragged on with a few little talking points, Bathurst turned out to be a dead-set humdinger, and all eyes are on Brisbane this Saturday to see whether the woeful Wallabies will galvanise in the face of the Beale-inspired off-field drama or get torn a collective "new one" by the All Blacks, starting from a rare loss which Mackay and co witnessed in Johannesburg.

No doubt being the news junkie he is, Jamie has probably caught up with most or all of these stories but there's a few off the beaten track he may not have come across, so I've taken the liberty of enlightening him.

One of the best things that we've reported on the Farming Show, more precisely on our website, is the Cowboys Monkey Rodeo in the US. Yep, little capuchin monkeys, dressed up as cowboys, riding sheepdogs, attempting to herd the flock into pens. It's so pointless, it's fantastic. WTF were those Yanks thinking this time? Where the hell did this originate? Which moonshine swilling good 'ol boy thought this up? I think I want to meet him ... maybe not.

But I do want to meet the dwarf stripper who got a bride-to-be pregnant in Spain during her hen's night. True story; she indulged in a little slap and tickle with the "entertainment" (apparently dwarf strippers are quite big in Spain) and thought she could cover it up.

Alas, when the product of that ill-advised liaison entered the world, the ruse was up. It would appear dwarfism is genetic.

And finally, while Mackay has been searching for elephants on safari, a bunch of hairdressers in Darwin have decided to make the male haircut experience just a little bit better. They've taken to wearing lingerie and plying customers with beer while they're getting their hair cut. An inspired move which would really take off in New Zealand.

A quick survey I conducted consisting of one question: "Would you like to have your hair cut by women in lingerie as you drink beer?", came back 100 per cent in the affirmative. The margin of error was 2.4 as some of the blokes I asked in the office probably didn't understand the question. Still, comprehensive to say the least.

So little monkeys, little men and little minds - look what happens when the boss goes away. I can't wait for him to come back so I can look at 400 awkward photos of him grinning away in the same pose in front of different South African locales.

• Dominic George hosts Farming First, 5am-6am weekdays on Radio Sport.