Diane Robertson: This Christmas, give compassion

Families do not queue for hours for a food parcel because they are greedy or lazy, but because they are desperate. Photo / Jason Oxenham

Poor families have enough daily struggles without facing unfair judgment as well, writes Diane Robertson.

Christmas is meant to be a time of happiness and good cheer. Instead I find myself getting very angry.

I am distraught at seeing the increasing numbers of families coming for food parcels. Dismayed that they are arriving at 3am to queue for hours for a charitable hand-out. They wait for so long and patiently endure checks and interviews from Work and Income and Mission staff for a box of food valued at $64.

The City Mission team see a lot of pain and anxiety and sadness up close. We're careful not to judge. We know that people don't queue for hours for a few groceries because they are greedy. They queue because they are desperate.

It's difficult working with people in this situation but it is not the hardest part of my job. What I find hardest to deal with is the judgmental attitudes of those who are unable to understand lives that are so different from their own. They see anyone poor as a "bludger", feckless, undeserving. It's an attitude fuelled by talkback hosts, bloggers, and media commentators who examine the lives of the poor to find reasons to blame them for their poverty. The poor shouldn't have children. They shouldn't own a car. They shouldn't have a phone. They were stupid to take out hire-purchase or borrow from a loan shark.

I constantly receive emails that tell me the people who visit the mission for food parcels are "fat and lazy" and "over-breeders". It makes me angry.

My own experience of growing up in poverty and chaos is always with me. I remember my mother crying because my dad had not given her any money for food. I remember that hunger gnaws at you all the time. I remember what it is like to be cold for months on end. I remember the feelings of exclusion as I was taunted and bullied at school. I remember the fear of violence. I know how poverty erodes your spirit and confidence, how hard it is to rise above it, and how few manage to do so.

When you have personal experience of the unrelenting anxiety of growing up poor, or you have been privileged to have an insight into the complexities of the lives of other people, you become impatient with the glib judgments of the comfortable critics.

The families we see live in cold and damp accommodation; they move houses frequently as their houses are sold. The costs of moving and living in poor housing are high, financially and socially. The families we see spend much of their day being shuffled from one agency to another, constantly retelling their stories for little or no positive outcome. Mothers spend a huge amount of time dealing with food insecurity, often going hungry to ensure their children are fed. The families we see pay a premium for power and food.

The work we do makes a difference and I remind myself that for every person who writes a vicious email about our clients, there are 50 or 100 others who step up to donate.

For every critic of the poor, there are many generous-spirited people of goodwill who recognise that other people don't always have the advantages, skills, resources or experiences that help smooth life's path. For every glib commentator there are many who understand the complexities of being poor.

Compassion is one of the greatest gifts we give to each other. If that is the only gift you give this Christmas, to those you love, and to your wider community, you've made the world a better place.

Diane Robertson is Auckland City Missioner.