Debunking 'evil stepmother' stereotype

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Portrayed as evil and wicked, the poor old stepmother has never had a good reputation - in fairytales or real life.

She's usually seen as mean and manipulative, determined to steal a father from his children and the creator of much conflict.

But one Auckland stepmother is hoping to change that with a project that will shed light on the difficulties the "evil stepmother" encounters in adapting to her new role.

Researcher Adrienne Bartle, who is doing a doctorate in clinical psychology at Auckland University, said the role of stepmother was one of the hardest within today's family unit - and yet there was little help available.

"When I became a stepmother, there was very, very limited - in fact almost no - resources at all, so I pretty much mucked and bumbled my way through, doing almost everything that was wrong."

Ms Bartle is interviewing 20 stepmothers and families to try to find out more about the areas of conflict and agreement, the quality of relationships and communication strategies used to work through problems.

She hopes her three-year research project, which is part of the ongoing Families in Transition study, will generate better insights into stepfamilies and what works in successful families.

Several stepmothers had rung saying how they were struggling. "It's just incredibly stressful and yet there's just very little support," Ms Bartle said.

"My ultimate aim is to be able to compile resources not just for step-parents - particularly stepmothers because that's the most stressful role - but also for counsellors and psychologists."

Ms Bartle said her research so far showed most stepmothers had "a lot of difficulty coping" with their role.

The biological mother often caused a lot of stress, and there were often feelings of resentment and jealousy among family members, and torn loyalties.

Children tended to be happy to see their father had found someone but were confused about where they slotted into the new family.

Ms Bartle said one of the big problems was that there was no prescribed role for a stepmother. She is often expected to assume a motherly-type role - helping to feed the children, dress them in the morning and take them to and from school - and yet she is not their mother.

All these stresses put pressure on relationships and Ms Bartle said up to 90 per cent of second marriages or relationships involving children ended up failing, which meant the children had to go through "yet another transition" in their lives.