Deaf, lonely, drunk - and really noisy

By SCOTT MacLEOD

It has long been claimed that bagpipes can drive away your friends - but it seems they can also damage your ears, belly and love life.

The pipes are so dangerous they should come with a health warning to wear earplugs or stand well back, says Piper and Drummer magazine.

Half the pipers it surveyed said their hearing was damaged by playing at up to 122 decibels.

Other pipers reported health and marriage problems from rock star-type fraternising and hard drinking.

Ten per cent said this had destroyed their marriages, and 84 per cent reported knowing alcoholics.

Piper and acoustics expert James Bousquet measured bagpipe noise and found it louder than a jet plane 100m away or a chainsaw.

Mr Bousquet said hearing loss could be worsened by exercise - and bagpipers tended to march about as part of their routines.

In separate bad news, American lung disease expert Robert Sataloff reported that pipers were prone to pneumonia and bloated stomachs.

The Philadelphia doctor said the bagpipe bag was a breeding ground for spores, and the strong air pressure needed to play could inflate the stomach.

But pipers were quick to defend their instrument.

Aucklander Lewis Turrell, who played for the Queen during two tours of New Zealand, said piping was "extremely good for you, and especially asthmatics because it opens up all your tubes".

Mr Turrell agreed that the survey sounded alarming but said: "I know a lot of alcoholics too - and they aren't pipers".

Aucklander Carol Ireland, who started playing 54 years ago, said technology had replaced porous sheepskin bags with healthier man-made fabrics and "little crystals to absorb moisture".

And the principal of the Royal College of Piping, Robert Wallace, told the BBC the alcoholism claim was wrong because it was impossible to play the pipes drunk.

But Bob Bickerton of Nelson, who plays the much quieter Irish pipes - for which an arm-powered bellows, rather than lungs, provide the wind - added to the controversy by saying the health findings "only touched the tip of the iceberg" in relation to the Scottish variety.