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The father of two Auckland children who drowned when trapped in a sinking boat on Anzac Day faces Maritime New Zealand charges over the tragedy.
In an emotional interview at the family's Devonport home yesterday, Lindsay Rowles told the Herald on Sunday that as the skipper he took full responsibility for what happened.
But he denied drugs or alcohol played a part in the accident and claimed he had been treated like a murderer since the accident.
Erina Rowles, 8, and brother Travis, 5, perished when the 7.3m aluminium runabout they were on with their parents and two other adults sank in calm waters off Tarahiki Island in the Hauraki Gulf.
Their 54-year-old father was investigated by police after the accident, but they chose not to lay criminal charges. However, under maritime law Rowles faces a $10,000 fine or up to one year in prison if found guilty of operating a vessel in a manner causing unnecessary danger or risk.
Speaking yesterday, Rowles said he was ready to face the court. It might provide closure - something the couple were in desperate need of.
The former electrical fitter said he took "full responsibility" for what happened that morning, though he denied members of the party acted irresponsibly.
"I was the boat skipper and the father of the children who drowned, so I must face the charges. But I'm not a murderer. I love my kids."
Tania Hoterini said her baby girl should have been waking up to her ninth birthday tomorrow. "There would have been presents and birthday cake and cuddles. Sometimes I wish I'd died that day too."
After the boat sank, the couple and two associates managed to swim to nearby rocks where they waited nearly five hours to be rescued. The horror of that time hadn't really abated, both parents said.
"If I'd just gone under one more time that would've been me," Rowles said. "Tania was wishing she was dead and so was I, but I had to try and help the others. We did all we could."
Tomorrow, Erina's parents will probably spend time at the memorial at Devonport Primary School.
"The kids there are still crying. I go and sit there and they come up to me. They miss them too," the grieving father said.
He and Tania had taken on a dishwashing job to pay mounting bills after finding it difficult to get support, financially or medically, after the children died.
Rowles claimed Work and Income had cut off Tania's invalid's benefit straight after the accident and ACC had promised him they would receive $1200 per child, as soon as he had been cleared of criminal charges, but that hasn't happened.
Rowles has lost more than 38kg since the children's death and hasn't worked since. He went to North Shore Hospital's emergency department two weeks ago after suffering seizures. Tania was epileptic and had also been hospitalised a couple of times since the accident.
Rowles said while the couple had received support from friends and family and the children's school, he often felt isolated and "rejected. It feels as if some people think I took my children out there to kill them."
Insinuations he had been smoking marijuana on board the boat were false, he said.
"I didn't smoke dope or anything like that the whole time my children were alive."
Rowles said he hoped the upcoming Coroner's Court hearing would provide some closure.
The family's Devonport home was now for sale, but yesterday, Rowles seemed unsure whether he was ready to let it go because of the memories. "Erina could hang upside down on the jungle gym, one leg and all. She was so strong ... my little monkey. They were both perfect."
Large photographs of the children hang above the sink, "so we can see them every time we wash up", he said.
Erina's bedroom is as she left it - a fancy brown fur coat she loved still lying on the bed.
The couple have fulfilled one dream they'd planned long before the accident - a marriage ceremony which took place on August 11, Travis' birthday.
