Cullen spears Opposition 'boy racers'

By VERNON SMALL deputy political editor

Delegates were left laughing all the way to the election yesterday as Labour ended its three-day congress in Wellington.

Another good poll result last night, showing the gap between Labour and National widening after a bad week for the Opposition, would have added to the general good humour of more than 500 delegates as they headed back to their electorates to prepare for a possible early election.

But the laughter had earlier come from deputy leader Michael Cullen's now-traditional farewell, laced with one-liners at the Opposition's expense.

Amid the warnings against complacency and about the need to enrol voters, Dr Cullen gave vent to his wit and, predictably, National's leadership was the butt of most jokes.

He renamed National's glossy magazine-cum-newsletter "No Ideas" and said its cover "shows a picture of Bill English cooking Gerry Brownlee's breakfast".

"If it were the other way round Bill would be wise to use a food taster.

"Somebody does need to tell him you've got to turn on the barbecue before you can cook the sausages. With no gas there's no heat."

On the rejuvenation of National's caucus, he quipped: "Certainly there's been enough rejuvenation to keep a Hollywood cosmetic surgeon in business for, well, minutes.

"The 60-year-old Doug Kidd has been pushed off the list to be replaced by the 62-year-old Don Brash, who has decided to launch a new career as a cold fish out of water.

"They are an unloved and unlovable lot. From Dipton's answer to Mad Mike Tyson [Mr English] to Gerry 'let me help you down the stairs' Brownlee, there is an ineffable air of the boy racers about the National Party.

"Add in Richard 'what's left to sell' Prebble and Rodney 'tax avoidance' Hide and you've got something which looks like the dysfunctional characters in an American TV comedy. And at that, more Six Feet Under than West Wing.

"It's no wonder Bill English looks brain-damaged even before he gets into the boxing ring."

Not surprisingly, Dr Cullen was more generous to his own side.

He said the Government "is not merely a telephone line for transmitting the more extreme economic theories from overseas".

"Unlike National, we've never had the luxury of being able to lose a cheque for $250,000," he said, referring to the current Serious Fraud Office probe into campaign donations to National in 1996.